iCan't Tell
by Mizz-Maddnezz-Tells
Summary: Every second of Carly's life changes after she decides not to tell Sam about Jonah trying to kiss her. The little secret spins out of control in this mature drama Fanfiction about abuse, addiction, the true meaning of friendship, and most all, what secrets are actually worth keeping. Rated Mature for Sexual Content, Violence, and Profanity. Please critique and review.
1. Chapter 1: No Kiss and Tell

Mizz Maddnezz is back and just about as insane as I was before! This time, I am doing things a little differently. I am doing another iCarly fanfic, as my last ones were quite successful. I have been practicing a lot lately with my grammar and writing skills so this one will be much more, I don't know how to word it. Correct? Haha. Either way, here I go again! Please review!

Warnings: Nickelodeon owns all characters and the rights so I depend on fanfics to create the drama that I need happen and ships that I want to sail. This story contains mature content including violence, sexual content (consensual and nonconsensual) and strong language. Viewer discretion is advised.

Summary: Instead of letting Sam find out about Jonah wanting to kiss her, Carly decides to keep the incident a secret for the wellbeing of her friend but how many secrets can she keep about Jonah before she breaks under the pressure?

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iCan't Tell

Chapter 1: No Kiss and Tell

Carly refused to kiss him that first time. She didn't tell anybody what had happened either. She even told him that she was going to tell Sam but she didn't. She thought about telling Freddie and seeing what he thought she should do but like what was said before, she didn't tell anyone. Jonah was right. It had been months since she had seen Sam so happy. Carly knew that Sam didn't have much to smile about anyway. Of course she was happy whenever she was eating ham or beating the shit out of some nerd but she was never really happy deep down inside. Her mother hated her, evident by her lack of care and attention and all guys find Sam to be a tad too aggressive. That is, all guys except for Jonah. Maybe it was because he was such an ass himself that made them such a perfect pair. All Carly know was she didn't want to mess things up for Sam over one little kiss. She just never knew how out of hand things were going to get.

Carly tried not to think about it the rest of the evening. iCarly went on as usual and they ended up trying out the Wedgie Bounce on the unsuspecting Gibby that day, instead of Jonah. Carly kept feeling Jonah's stare from the sidelines as he watched their broadcast. Every time she stole a glance at him, when the camera wasn't on her, she found his stare on her with that crooked smirk. She carried on with the night as if nothing had happened. She tried to forget that Jonah had done anything wrong. That's all she could do. Sam is her best friend. Seeing her as happy as she was now, she could never tell.

"I'm Sam," The blonde giggled into the camera.

"And I am a girl!" Carly joked humorously, "And this has been iCarly!"

"Join us next week to find out what happens as the turtles race against odds," Sam said.  
Freddie pointed at the table next to them where two turtles chewed lettuce. The camera went back to the blonde, "In a segment we would like to call, 'Voyage of the Reptiles.'"

"Bye, bye now," Carly said. Both teenage girls waved at the camera happily.

"And we are done," Freddie said, shutting down the controls, "Great show tonight guys. Do you think we could write in a segment about our technology?"

"Heck no, dweeb," Sam growled, plucking his nose.

"She plucked me!" Freddie squawked towards Carly, "Do something about it!"

"Quit whining Freddie," Carly said, "And Sam, quit plucking people."

"Hey Sam," Jonah laughed, stepping up, "How about you buy me a smoothie?"

"Give me your money Fred-nerd," Sam said grabbing him by his ear and twisting it.

"Just take it!" Freddie cried, digging in his pocket and holding out a few bills.

"Thanks dweeb," Sam said taking hold of jonahs arm and walking towards the door, "See you later Carly."

"Bye," Carly said waving at the girl. Sam didn't wave back. She was too absorbed in the boy next to her to realize a world that wasn't just them existed.

"I have to be somewhere," Freddie said, glancing at his watch.

"Where are you heading?" Carly asked.

"Oh, um, nowhere," Freddie mumbled.

"Freddie," Carly said, crossing her arms.

"Mom wants to take me to-" Freddie stopped and looked down at the ground. He mumbled something.

"Where?" Carly asked.

"Build-a-Bear," Freddie mumbled.

"Oh my god," Carly laughed, "Are you serious?"

"You don't understand," Freddie cried, "My mother becomes aggressive if I do not do these things."

"Whatever," Carly laughed. Freddie gathered his things and left, closing the door behind him. Carly was left standing there, staring at the floor. She sighed heavily and fell back into the bean-bag chair behind her. She closed her eyes and rested her hands against her sockets, pressed on her eyes. She sat up, just as the studio door swung open. She looked up as Jonah walked in, a smirk on his face.

"Hey," He said, crossing his arms and looking down at her.

"What do you want?" Carly said, looking up at the boy. Carly stood from where she sat and looked at him, her arms crossed.

"Sam left her jacket," He said, stepping towards her.

"Get it and go," Carly said.

"Now wait a minute," He said, stepping closer once more, "You never gave me that kiss."

"I am not going to kiss you!" Carly growled, "You are dating Sam!"

"And if you want that to continue, you are going to kiss me right now," He said, stepping closer once again, now face-to-face with the girl.

"Don't pull that with me," Carly spat.

"I can hurt her," Jonah said, his voice becoming husk, "I can break her in ways that you couldn't even imagine."

"Why would you do that?" Carly asked, crossing her arms.

"Why wouldn't I?" He laughed, "Sam is hot as hell and has the best bitch-attitude I have ever seen. Her only fault is the fact that she will do whatever she is told when she likes someone. I take advantage of this."

"I know," Carly said angrily, "And it is disgusting."

"To you, maybe," Jonah laughed, "But to me, it is a gift. I can convince her of anything that I want her to believe. That means I can ruin her. I can crack into the bowels of her existence and completely break her heart."

"You won't," Carly gulped.

"Oh, I will," Jonah said, taking hold of Carly's waist, "That is, unless you do whatever I want."

"You're sick," Carly said, smacking away his hand. Jonah grabbed a hold of her hips and yanked her towards him, pressing her body against his. Just as she started to pull away he grabbed ahold of her wrist and twisted her body around, pulling her behind up against his body.

"Unless you want to see me break the heart of your best friend," Jonah said into her ear, his hot breath against her neck, "You will do what I say." He took hold of a clump of her hair and pulled her head back so that they were face to face. He pressed his lips against hers. Her entire body tensed under his touch. After a long, awkward kiss Jonah pulled away and let her go. She turned around and stared at him in disbelief. He stared back at her with a crooked grin. He leaned down and grabbed Sam's jacket that was lying on the car behind Carly. He threw the jacket over his shoulder and turned to leave. He looked back for a moment and winked. In just moments, he was gone. Carly stood there, staring at the door.


	2. Chapter 2: Pantie Raid

Hello again :) I am back with another chapter to my story. I kind of forgot how much I loved iCarly. I may be about to turn 18 and I am graduating from high school in three weeks but I still love this show and these characters. I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

Love,

Mizz Maddnezz

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Chapter 2: Panty Raid

"I cannot believe him!" Carly yelled into the empty room, tossing her stuffed bear off the bed. She glared down at the carpet angrily. She had been in her room all evening. After Jonah had left and everyone had gone, she had stormed off into her room and locked herself in there. She tried to take her mind off of the incident. She tried to watch a movie but her mind always trailed back to Jonah. She growled angrily and buried her head into her pillows as hot, angry tears filled her eyes, "How dare he treat me like that? How dare he?"

"Carly," Spencer said quietly, knocking on her door, "Are you okay?"

"Go away," Carly mumbled. She heard the door crack open and Spencer walk in. He sat down at the end of her bed and set his hand on her leg, looking down at her.

"What's the matter, kiddo?" Spencer said with a little smile.

"Nothing," Carly sniffled, not looking up.

"Oh, Nothing," Spencer said questionably, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes," Carly mumbled.

"Do you want to come downstairs?" Spencer said, "I got something for you."

"I don't want anything," Carly said, not moving.

"Oh okay," Spencer said standing up, "I'll just tell grandpa to go home."

"Grandpa is here?" Carly asked, sitting up and looking at Spencer.

"Yep," Spencer said, opening the door wide, "He is dropping by on his way up to Alaska."

"He's leaving Yakima?" Carly laughed.

"Nah," Spencer laughed, "He's going on vacation to some cabin. Come on down and see him."

"Alright, fine," Carly smiled and stood up, "But I am coming right back up to my room afterwards to be a sulking teenager again."

"Fine by me," Spencer said.

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_ Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz._ Carly looked down at her phone sitting on the coffee table. She had been ignoring it. She wasn't quite in the mood to talk to anyone this afternoon. She had decided to spend the afternoon watching a movie or two instead of socializing. She looked away from her phone and back to the television where _Finding Nemo _was paused about halfway through. She glanced around the silent room awkwardly. It was so a quiet. A hell of a lot quieter then it usually was when her brother was home. Spencer had been gone all afternoon. After Grandpa dropped by, he somehow convinced Spencer to play golf with him for the afternoon so for the first time in a while, Carly had the apartment all to herself.

_Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. _Her phone went off again, shaking the glass frame of the table. Carly groaned a little as she tossed the blanket off of her and kicked it to the end of the couch. She reached out to her phone that was just barely out of reach. She groaned again and tossed her legs over the side of the couch. She reached out and picked up her Pear Phone, picking it up and sliding the unlock button.

_2 New Text Messages_

_Sam Puckett_

Carly stared at the text, debating whether to open it or not. Sam had suggested staying the night earlier during a texting conversation but Carly had denied, not wanting to hear about Jonah all night. She and tossed her phone back on the table, ignoring the text. She lay back down on the couch and stretched. She reached down and grabbed the blanket, covering herself up. She picked up the remote and stared at the screen. _Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz._ She groaned angrily and tossed the blankets off of her once more. She picked up the phone and slid it open, staring down at the three texts.

_6:43: Are you home?_

_6:50: Carly?_

_7:02: Stop ignoring me!_

Carly sighed and curled her legs under her. _Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. _She looked down at the phone as the buzz continued longer then a text.

_Incoming Call…._

_Sam Puckett_

She stared down at her phone and debated whether to answer it or not. She knew that Sam would want to come over. She usually always came over on the weekends. Carly just wasn't in the mood to hear about that boy. She clicked the ignore button and the buzz went silent. She set the phone in her lap and stretched back, groaning loudly. She really just could not deal with Sam right now. _Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz._ It vibrated again, scaring her a little. She looked down at the new text.

_7:05: Please call me. This is really important. _

Carlie sighed and picked up the phone. She dialed Sam's number and waited for her to pick up. It rang only once and the other line picked up but no voice came.

"Sam?" Carly asked, switching the phone to her other ear.

"I thought you weren't going to pick up," Jonah laughed on the other line.

"What the hell do you want?" Carly asked, angrily, "Where is Sam?"

"She went home," Jonah said, "She had something going on. I'm really not sure. Either way, she left her phone. I knew that you wouldn't answer if I called on my phone so I thought that I might as well use hers."

"What do you want?" Carly said angrily, switching her phone to her other ear and crossing her arm under her elbow. She heard a quaint little laugh on the other line.

"What are you wearing?" Jonah laughed.

"Clothes," Carly said sarcastically.

"I want to see what you are wearing," Jonah said quietly, "Go put on something sexy and take pics."

"You are a pig," Carly growled, "Do you think I would actually sink down to that level?"

"Oh, you will," Jonah laughed, "You are going to send my phone some sexy pics or I will leave Sam."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Carly choked, angrily.

"Why aren't I?" Jonah laughed. There was a click and the line went dead. Carly set her phone down in her lap and stared down at the floor. She could feel her face curling and twisting with emotion. She choked down an angry sob and stood, slowly walking towards the stairs. She could feel her mind burning with racing thoughts as she went up the stairs and went on into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. She tossed her phone onto the bed and walked over to her closet, opening it wide before her. She looked down at her underwear basket were a messy pile of clean delegates sat. She rummaged through the basket, tossing aside unappealing briefs and sports bras. She held up a thong, stared at it for a moment and tossed it back down into the pile disgustingly. She continued to rummage, finding nothing that she would consider appealing until she came to the bottom of the basket.

"I cannot believe him," Carly growled, tossing down a pair of panties, "He is so disgusting." She snatched up a matching set, closed the door of her closet, picked up her phone and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.


	3. Chapter 3: Stairwell Stains

iCan't Tell

Chapter 3: Stairwell Stains

Hello Loves,

I am sorry for the delay on updates : / I have been so busy these past few months that I can barely get anything done. Anyway, I will try to update a bit more often. I promise.

Loves, Mizz Maddnezz

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"What's the matter?" Freddie asked, nudging the dazed Carly where she had her head down on her desk.

"Nothing," Carly mumbled, not looking up. She felt gross. More than gross; she felt completely disgusting. Never in her life had she ever degraded herself down as low as she had last night. After she had taken the pictures that Jonah requested, she cried. She cried more then she has ever cried in her life. _Who did he think he was, pulling that shit with me?_ She thought angrily to herself. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. It took her a moment to respond before forcing herself to sit up in her desk and dig around in her pocket for her phone.

"Are you sure you okay?" Freddie asked, "You're acting kind of weird."

"What do you mean?" She mumbled, unlocking her phone.

_ New Text Message_

_Jonah: Havin fun in Briggs class? Haha look at the door._

She glanced up from her phone and looked past Mrs. Briggs, standing at the board, to the window in the door where Jonah stood, smirking. Off in the distance, she could hear Freddie's voice slowly drifting off. Her phone buzzed in her hand. She glanced down.

_ New Text Message_

_Jonah: Go to the nurses. I will meet you in the stairwell._

She looked up from her phone and Jonah was gone from the window. She could feel her body tense up as she looked back at Freddie, who had given up on the conversation and was writing in his notebook. She stuffed her phone into her hoodie pocket and glanced over her shoulder to Sam who was flicking paper balls at Gibby. She gulped down and raised her hand slowly.

"Yes, Miss Shay?" Mrs. Briggs asked, stopping her lesson on characterization of the many faces of _The Canterbury Tales_.

"Can I go to the- um, nurse?" Carly asked, tapping her desk with her index finger, "My stomach is killing me."

"Fine, but hurry back," She said picking up a piece of paper from her desk and writing a note on it, "This lesson will be on the exam next week."

"Yes, ma'am," Carly said standing and taking the note from her teacher before walking out of the classroom. She closed the door behind her and stuffed the note into her hoodie pocket. She grudgingly walked down the hall, resenting the fact that there was a boy waiting for her at the stair well that led to the second floor. Jonah stood there on the third step, leaning against the wall, a smirk sprawled across his face.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" Carly said, stopping several feet away from him.

"Yea," He said, scoffing under his breath, "I thought maybe I could come and see you for a little bit. After seeing those pictures last night, I just can't get that pretty little body out of my head."

"This has to stop," Carly said, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms. She could feel his eyes on her as he stepped down from the step he was perched on and approached her, laughihng under his breath.

"Why does it have to stop?" He laughed, taking a strand of her hair and twisting it in his fingers, "I am having so much fun."

"Well I'm not," She snapped, striking his hand away. He looked down at her and scoffed, shaking his head. His face twisted into a sick smile before his hand shot up. He took hold of her wrist and twisted it down, pushing her up against the wall. She gasped sharply and looked up at him as he stared back, intently.

"I don't really care if you are having fun," He said leaning closer, breathing hot air down her neck, his grip tightening around her wrist, "What you feel doesn't matter to me."

"Jonah, please," Carly cried, yanking her arm away from him. He took hold of her collar bone and slammed her back against the wall. He reached around; slinging the backpack he had been holding in the crook of his elbow and pressed his forearm against her neck, pressing against her throat. Carly choked down a cry as she felt her throat compressing. She looked up at Jonah, into his dark eyes just as a flicker of desire burned subtly in the depths of his stare. She could feel his large, thin hands tensing against her collar bone. He was so small yet so strong.

"I want you to listen to me real quick, would you?" Jonah whispered, his voice creeping from his lips in thin wisps. She could feel his hot breath trickling down her neck as he leaned in close, lowering his voice, "I like you. I like you a lot," He whispered, pressing her even harder against the wall, "I think we could get really, really close. We could get closer then you have ever let a man get to you."

"Jonah, stop," Carly mumbled, her voice barely escaping her lips as he pressed his elbow against her wind pipe. She could feel his grip tighten as a low, forced laugh escaped his lips carving chills down her spine.

"I will never stop," He whispered through a twisted chortle, "Sam loves me and you know it. You know how teenage girls get. You are one. You children fall in love so damn easily. You meet someone and they a few cheap ass pick-up lines at you and you fall for it like a starving dog and a poisoned bone. We tell you lies that make you feel perfect and as soon as you think that you truly are in love, we are in full and complete control. This is when it gets good. You will do anything we want. I already have Sam wrapped around my fucking finger. She does everything I tell her and she believes every little lie that escapes my lips. I could destroy her. Just a few words and she will be so damn broken, she will never, ever be able to heal from the fucking wounds I will put into her. Do you want this?"

He loosened his grip on her collar bone and ran his fingers slowly down each of her arms, tracing every inch of her exposed arm. She could feel her skin shivering as he took hold of her hands and squeezed them tightly, raising them above her head and pressing them against the wall. He stepped closer, his entire body pressed against her body. Their skin was only two thin layers of clothing apart. Every crevice of their bodies molded together as he leaned into her neck and giggled in her ear with a twisted, heinous laugh. She could feel his hot breath tracing every last inch of her neck as he spoke slowly.

"I can rip her apart," He whispered, breaking each word apart with burning emphasis. Her body shook as his hot tongue ran from her neck, just behind her ear, down to her collar bone. He stopped at the very bottom of her neck and leaned into her ear and whispered with the most nefarious voice, breaking each syllable apart, "Piece, by piece."

He let her arms drop to her sides and he stared down at her smirking. Carly stood there, her entire body stiff and cold. He took hold of her waist and pulled her body up against his.

"Stop!" Carly cried, grabbing hold of his shirt and shoving him away. He took hold of a handful of her hair and yanked her head back, pressing the back of her head against the wall once again. He pressed his lips against hers, pulling her into a deep, smoldering kiss. His tongue traced the edges of her lips as he yanked down on her hair. She cried softly in pain and he pressed his tongue into her mouth, forcing her into a long, deep kiss. Carly tried shoving away but it seemed the harder she shoved and scratched, the stronger his grip on her hair became. She could feel her face burning as tears gathered in her eyes and started to pour down her cheeks. Jonah pulled away suddenly and stared down at her with a crooked sneer. He reached down and picked up his book bag from the steps and slung it over his shoulder and walked away, leaving Carly standing in the stair way, he body convulsing. She wrapped her arm around her abdomen as her stomach started to writhe. She could feel the insides of her throat contracting. A loud gurgle came from her lips as she fell to the ground on her hands and knees and vomited onto the tile floor, the reddish-brown substance coating the floor. A loud sob escaped her lips as her vomiting slowed down. Just as the vomiting stopped, her stomach convulsed again, wrenching her insides and forcing her to once again gag and start to dry heave. Between intervals of vomiting and trying to catch her breath, she sobbed loudly.

"Oh my god," A voice said from in front of her. Carly glanced up from her tears, gasping for air, to see a girl, clutching her books. The girl looked down at the pile of vomit and back up to Carly before setting her books on the trash can she was standing beside and turning away, "I will go get a teacher!"

Carly leaned down, the sour smell of digested food and stomach acid, tainting her nostrils. She started to sob again, her body shaking with what felt like physical pain.


	4. Chapter 4: Smooth Conversation

iCan't Tell

Chapter 4: Stairwell

Hello everyone :)

I would just like all of you to know that I hope you are having a wonderful day!

Love,  
Mizz Maddnezz

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"I just felt sick," Carly mumbled into the phone as she twisted the black cord between her fingers. The nurse had called Spencer, to let him know she had been sick and he wanted to talk to her. She played with the wire as he continued to crack jokes, trying to make her laugh. Her other hand was propped on her knee. She looked down at her skin where goose bumps were starting to form. The nurse's office was the coldest room in the school. It always was. Nobody really knew why but there it was, a good ten degrees colder then every other room in the school, year round. It was completely silent in the room except for the dull murmur of Spencer's voice on the other line. The nurse sat there, her nose in a book, waiting for students to come in whining about headaches and colds. She had been reading when Carly was dragged in there, speckled with vomit and still sniffling. A student was lying on the bed behind the curtain across the room. You could hear quiet, almost forced, coughs coming from back there occasionally. Carly sighed into the phone as Spencer continued trying to convince her to come home early. After she had been found sobbing in her vomit, the nurse tried to talk her into leaving the school for the rest of the day but Carly continued to refuse. The last thing she wanted to do was to go home and be alone. Spencer would be there, of course, but he had been so busy these past few days with a coming up deadline on the biggest order he has ever had for his wire sculptures. If she was to go home now, she would be there, completely alone in her room, all day until Freddie got home. He would check on her when he got home, after hearing about today's episode but he would not stay for long. She could invite Sam over but that is the one thing she would not bring herself to do.

"Do you have a fever?" Spencer asked.

"No," Carly said, "The nurse took my temperature when I came in and it was completely normal."

"Alright," Spencer sighed, "Is there anything you want me to do?"

"No," Carly shook her head and glanced down at her vomit speckled shirt, "Well actually, could you bring me another shirt? This one got kind of dirty."

"Sure thing," Spencer said. They said their farewells and Carly hung up the heavy phone on its cradle.

"Alright honey," The nurse said, setting the book down on her desk and placing the bright orange bookmark at her page, "I can give you Tums or ibuprofen or whatever you need."

"I'm fine," Carly said, taking hold of her thighs on each side and squeezing them in her seat, "I don't need anything."

"Alright, suit yourself," The nurse said, "Are you feeling alright now?"

"Yea," Carly nodded. The nurse nodded and smiled before picking her book back up. "You can lie down for a little bit, until your brother gets here with your clothes. The bed on the left is open," She said, smiling.

"Thank you," Carly said. She stood and stepped over to the curtain and pulled it away to see the gray, plastic mattress bed. She closed the curtain behind her and sat on the bed. The hard plastic crunched under her as she adjusted her weight and laid her head on the soft, plastic covered pillow. She let out a long, heavy sigh as she stared at the glossy white paint of the concrete wall. She reached out and started to trace the lines of the concrete bricks, drawing a square picture with her mind. Her phone buzzed from her pocket. She pulled the phone out and looked down at it.

_New Text Message_

_Sam Puckett: Are you okay?_

She typed "_I'm fine. I just got sick for some reason" _And sent the text. She glanced back up at the wall. Her stomach turned as she thought about how Sam would react if she actually knew what had happened. Carly loved Sam. She was her best friend and she has never seen Sam as happy as she was with Jonah. This was the first time that Sam has ever truly fallen for someone. Of course, she had dated before and had been with other guys but never in her life had she acted the way has with Jonah. She smiled so much, it scared Carly and the way she laughs sounds completely different. Carly sighed deeply as she thought about how much it would truly kill Sam if she knew what kind of creature this boy she had fallen in love was really like when he was not in her view. The phone buzzed again.

_New Text Message_

_Sam Puckett: Can I come over tonight? Jonah had to cancel our plans tonight because he is going to be at his dad's house in Everett. _

Carly bit her lip, staring down at the text. She replied, _"I don't know."_She waited for a reply. She could not say no to Sam. She knew that Sam hated being at home more then she hated anything on this earth. Her mother was a drunk and everybody knew this. She hated her mother with every ounce of her being. There have been times when their fights got so bad that Sam would show up at Carly's doorstep crying, sometimes bruised. There was one time when Sam came knocking at the door, half past two, clutching her sprained wrist. Carly and Spencer stayed up most of the night trying to console her. They could not call the police, no matter how much Spencer wanted to. Sam had been in foster care before and she swore that she would never be in that position again. She was already sixteen. Two more years and she could leave and would never have to come back. Throughout the years that Carly has known Sam, she has spent countless hours running from her home and coming to Carly's. Lately, it has been different. Ever since she met Jonah, she has been staying at his house.

_New Text Message_

_Sam Puckett: Please?_

Carly knew she had to say yes, so she did. She lay there on that bed for the next ten minutes, waiting for Spencer to show up with her shirt. When he finally did get there, Carly changed her clothes, stuffing her sour smelling shirt into her backpack. She threw her bag over her shoulder and headed towards her next class.

She did not speak for the rest of the day. The entire school knew that she had been found, covered in vomit, in the floor beside the stairwell but none of them knew what had happened that day. No one knew that she was on the brink of crying every time she thought about it. Nobody knew. The rest of the day was spent with her head on the desk and her hoodie covering her face. Her skin crawled ever time she thought about Jonah. She could feel his hands touching her skin and his lips on her own. When she got home, she took a long, hot shower that seemed to last forever and curled up on her couch and waited for Sam to get home.

"Hey, " Sam said, as she let herself in.

"We do have a doorbell, person that does not live here," Spencer said from his room, hearing the door close.

"Couldn't use it," Sam said, tossing his bag on the floor, "I'm allergic."

"How are you allergic to door bells?" Spencer asked.

"How are you not?" Sam said, glancing back at him.

"Valid point," He said, closing his door.

"What's up?" Sam asked, plopping down on the couch next to Carly.

"Nothing," Carly shrugged, "I was going to watch a movie or something."

"That's boring," Sam said, stretching, "We should do something tonight."

"Like what?" Carly asked,

"I don't know," Sam shrugged, "Anything."

"Well," Carly said, "We could see what Freddie is doing."

"Anything but that," Sam said, "I had to deal with him alone through two different classes while you were at the nurses. I can only take so much of Frednerd in one day."

"Fine," Carly laughed, "We could see what is up at the Groovy Smoothie."

"Nah," Sam mumbled.

"I'll pay," Carly said, looking at Sam with a smile.

"Why are we still sitting?" Sam giggled and jumped up.

Carly tossed the blanket off of her and they headed across the street to the Groovy Smoothie. She ordered her banana mango and Sam ordered the strawberry cream, as always. She paid for both of their drinks, plus two doughnuts, Sam's favorite flavor, Boston crème, and they sat down on their usual stools at their usual table.

"Sometimes, I wonder why we do not get married," Sam laughed, taking a bite from one of the doughnuts, "You always buy me food and I love you for it."

"Well, we can get married next week," Carly said right before she took a big slurp of her smoothie, "How does that sound?"

"Sounds good to me," Sam laughed, "Except not Saturday because I have a date planned with Jonah."

"How are you and Jonah doing?" Carly asked as she stared down at the bright orange cup in her hand. She flicked the straw with her thumb and watched it as it spun around in her smoothie.

"Amazing," Sam sighed, "You have no idea what he does to me, Carly. I never knew somebody could actually make me feel like I am in a cheesy romance movie set in the 40's."

"Is it that nice?" Carly asked.

"It is," Sam said, taking another bite, she continued with her mouth full, "He is always buying me gifts and making me this dumb mixed CD's. We are constantly making fun of each other one second and then totally engulfed in a kiss the next. He is such a great kisser."

"Oh I bet," Carly mumbled, taking another long sip of her smoothie.

"I think I love him," Sam said softly after a long pause. Carly looked up at her as she stared down at her doughnut, a soft smile across her lips, "I know that we are just sixteen and we know nothing about life but, I love him. For the first time in my life, I am not afraid of what tomorrow will bring."

"Sam," Carly said, taking a long hard swallow. She tapped her finger on the side of her cup as she contemplated telling Sam what was going on between Jonah and herself, "I have something to tell you."

"I already know," Sam said, not looking up. Carly froze in her seat. She could feel very little hair stand up on the back of her neck as her heart dropped down to her stomach.

"You know?" Carly sputtered, "What do you know?"

"You think I am too young to understand love," Sam laughed. Carly stared at her unsure of the words she had planned to say at that very moment. Sam glanced up at her and smiled, "This is different. He just makes me happy in a way that I did not think was real. I can feel it deep down in my heart. It is love."

"Well," Carly said, twisting her cup around on the table and picking it up to her lips, "If you say so."


	5. Chapter 5: The Doors Closing

Chapter 5: The Doors Closing

Hey folks,

I'm sorry it has been a couple months since I updated. Busy, busy, busy!

Love,

Mizz Maddnezz

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She shook under her sheets and turned in her bed, the chill of the air around her tickling at the exposed skin of her back. Her eyes fluttered open to the dim light of the cold morning. Her blanket was nowhere to be seen and neither was her best friend, who she had fallen asleep next to. Carly rubbed the sleep from her droopy, mascara smeared eyes and shuffled, under the sheets to the edge of the bed. She peered over the tall queen to see a big tuft of blonde, curly hair protruding from a bundle of blankets on the floor.

"What are you doing on the floor?" Carly said her voice a tad raspy from sleep. A wordless grumble escaped from under the blankets, followed by a muffled whine of some sort. Carly stretched the length of her body and kicked the blanket that was entwined in her legs, onto the floor at the other end of the bed. She rolled across the bed and threw her legs over the edge, onto the soft grey carpet. She let the sheet drop to the ground and stretched, once more, before shuffling across the room to the bathroom. She closed the door behind and stopped a moment to stare into the mirror. Her hair was disheveled and mostly to one side of her head. Her face was smudgy with yesterdays mascara and cover-up. She shrugged and reached into the shower, turning the knob as steaming water spewed into the bathtub.

"Ah," She sighed to herself as she started to discard her clothes, "Nothing like a hot bath."

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"Good morning!" Spencer yelled from the kitchen as Carly came down the stairs.

"Morning," She said as she tied her robe around her waist. She perched herself on top of one of the red, shiny stools and clicked open the browser on the computer. She started to check up on her Splash Face.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Spencer asked his head in the fridge.

"Sam's over so make sure there is bacon on the side, no matter what it is," Carly said, browsing her newsfeed.

"Okie dokie," He said as he rummaged through the fridge, picking up various items and trying to balance them in his arms.

"Good morning!" Freddie announced as he let himself into the apartment, "What's for breakfast?"

"I'm thinking nutter-butter pancakes with bacon," Spencer said as he dropped the load of various ingredients onto the counter and nudged the fridge door shut with his foot.

"What are nutter-butter pancakes?" Freddie asked, sitting down beside Carly and looking at Spencer.

"It's like chocolate chip pancakes except with peanut butter chips added as well," Carly said, glancing up from the computer.

"You look gorgeous in this light," Freddie said, leaning on his hand and looking at Carly.

"Can it, nerd-ball," Sam said as she paraded down the stairs completely dressed and hair up in a tight ponytail, dragging her backpack behind her, "Carly doesn't love you. What time is it?"

"It's 8," Carly said, glancing down at the clock. Why was everyone up so early? She and Spencer usually got up around this time. They had always been early birds. Freddie usually didn't show up until maybe nine and Sam usually did not emerge from the bed until well past noon, unless you went in and woke her yourself.

"Sam," Spencer said, "I'm making breakfast!"

"No thanks;" Sam said tossing her bag over her shoulder, "I'm not hungry."

A silence fell over the Shay apartment as all three heads turned and stared at Sam in disbelief. The eerie silence dragged on for a few more moments before it was broken by the door slamming open.

"Fredward Benson!" Mrs. Benson yelped as she marched into the apartment, holding out a bottle of pills, "You didn't take your medicine for that, _little issue_."

"What issue?" Sam asked, laughing.

"Mom," Freddie yelled, twisting around in his seat, "That went away three years ago!"

"But it can come back!" She said, opening the bottle and popping two pills in her hand.

"What is it for?" Sam asked. She was always very eager to have another reason to destroy Freddie's self-esteem.

"It isn't for anything," Freddie said, snatching the pills and tossing them into the back of his throat and swallowing them. He crossed his arms, pouting.

"Oh, there is no reason to be ashamed of that rash," Mrs. Benson said, recapping the bottle.

"Mom," Freddie squeaked, "It went away!"

"But the doctor said it could come back," Mrs. Benson said, nodding assuringly at her son.

"Whatever," Freddie mumbled, crossing his arms, "Thanks mom."

"You are very welcome Freddie-Bear," Mrs. Benson giggled as she skipped out of the apartment, closing the door behind her.

"Freddie-Bear?" Sam laughed, leaning on the counter beside Freddie.

"Shut up," Freddie yelped, "She means it with affection."

"Yes, so does my mom when she leaves her toenail clippings on the couch," Sam laughed. Both Carly and Sam shuddered at the thought of Sam's mom's toenails. Sam grabbed her backpack and tossed it onto her back.

"So, why aren't you hungry?" Freddie asked.

"Yea, you are always hungry," Carly giggled.

"Well, I am hungry but Jonah is taking me to a nice lunch," Sam said.

"Oh, I thought he was out of town," Carly mumbled, turning back to the computer.

"He was supposed to stay with his dad all weekend but he called this morning and they got into a fight over something so he left last night and will be picking me up at my house at 10. I want to get home, take a shower and get ready before then."

"Oh, do you want me to drive you?" Spencer asked.

"No thanks," Sam said, "I kind of like the bus ride from here to my neighborhood. I met a hobo named Tim that rides the morning bus every day and he always has beef jerky with him."

"Sounds like your kind of man," Freddie said.

"Close your jaw, dweeb," Sam growled, plucking his ear.

"Stop plucking me!" Freddie yelped, grabbing his ear.

"Well," Sam said, switching her bag to her other shoulder, "I'm going to head out."

"Alright, see you later," Carly said. She continued to stare at her computer. She waited until she heard the door slam behind Sam before letting out a long sigh and turning around on the stool and leaning back on the counter, resting her elbows behind her.

"She must really have a thing going on with Jonah," Spencer said, tossing a dishcloth over his shoulder.

"Well, sure. I guess," Carly mumbled a hint of irritability on her tongue.

"You don't like him, do you?" Freddie asked.

"It's just," Carly started. She stopped and nibbled the corner of the inside of her mouth, thinking of the words to use. Her mouth tasted bad as she spoke, "I just have a hunch that he's not such a great guy."

"What do you mean?" Freddie asked.

"Nothing," Carly said. The last thing she wanted was to have a conversation about

Jonah, "Let's talk about something else."

"Sure," Freddie said, shrugging. Their morning carried on as most Saturday mornings do. They had their breakfast and their nutter-butter pancakes tasted exactly like a nutter-butter bar and the bacon was crispy and tasted as perfect as smoked pork should. After breakfast, Carly got dressed and then she and Freddie sat down to a few episodes of SpongeBob while discussing the homework that they were supposed to be doing. Eventually, Freddie had to venture back to his own apartment after an angry text from his mother, requesting he clean his room that very instant. After they said their farewells, Carly sat in front of the TV, which was now off and let out a long, heavy sigh. Spencer plopped down on the couch beside her and picked up one of the red throw pillows, hugging it against his chest.

"What's on your mind kiddo?" He asked, squeezing the sides of the pillow and bobbing his head.

"Nothing," Carly said, shrugging and picking up the other red throw pillow and tossed it in front of her, catching it in her lap.

"Oh come on," Spencer said after sucking his teeth, "You have been all moping around for a couple days now."

"It's just," Carly started and then stopped. She tossed the pillow up and caught it again and pulled it to her own chest and looked over at Spencer, "What do you do when you know that the person that your friend is in love with is a bad person?"

"What do you mean?" Spencer asked.

"Like, you know that the guy your friend loves has done some bad things and could do even more bad things," Carly said, plucking at a loose thread on the seam of the pillow, "But you don't want to hurt your friend."

"Well," Spencer said, "Think of it this way. You love milk, right?"

"Yea," Carly said at a loss of where he is going.

"Alright, let's say that you have a glass," He held out his hand, as if he were holding a glass.

"Okay," Carly nodded.

"And you want to drink milk from this carton, right?" Spencer said, holding his other hand up.

"Yea, okay," Carly said.

"Now, I know that the milk in this carton has gone sour," Spencer said, leaning in and sniffing the invisible carton and making a god-awful face, "but I know that you love milk and you are really excited to drink a glass of milk so I feel confused on if I should tell you that the milk has gone sour or not. If I told you that all the milk was bad, you would get mad that you couldn't drink it but if I went ahead and let you drink the bad milk, you would be even angrier at me."

"You would let me just drink the bad milk?" Carly asked, turning her head and looking at Spencer quizzically.

"That is what I'm saying," Spencer said, throwing his hands towards her. He glanced down as the pillow fell from his lap and onto the floor.

"Oh," Carly said, hugging the pillow once more, "I think I get your point now."

"See," Spencer said as he leaned down and picked up the pillow. He stood and looked down to Carly, "I am sure no matter what you do; you will make the right choice."

"Thanks," Carly said as she smiled up at her brother.

"Will you be alright alone today?" Spencer asked, setting the pillow on the couch.

"Why?" Carly asked, "Where will you be?"

"Socko wants to go sailing today so he borrowed his uncles sail boat and then wants to go fishing afterwards," Spencer said excitedly.

"Does he even know how to sail?" Carly asked.

"Probably not," Spencer said, shrugging, "I guess we will learn."

"Just please do not bring home any live fish," Carly said, shaking her head, "We do not want a rerun of the last fish you brought home."

"Poor Mister Snickle," Spencer sighed as he shook his head, "Well, I'm going to go and get ready."

"Alright," Carly said standing and tossing the pillow onto the couch, "I think I am going to take a nap."

"I love you!" Spencer said as he headed towards his room.

"Love you too," Carly said. As he left the room she let out a long, heavy sigh. That is pretty much all she does these days; sighs. She is creating a new language with them. How was your day? Sigh. What do you want for dinner? Sigh. My grandmother is dead. Sigh. How do you feel about your best friend's boyfriend sexually harassing you? Sigh. To a big surprise to her, Carly let out yet another long sigh and started to walk towards the stairs. Just as her fingers graced the banister there was a soft knock on the door. She turned on her heel and headed over to the door and opened it, just to regret it only second after.

"Well, hello there," Jonah said from where he was leaning against her doorway.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Carly snapped. She glanced around the door and saw that Spencer's door was wide open. She shoved Jonah out of the door way and stepped into the hallway, closing the door behind her, "What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing," Jonah said looking down at her, "I just dropped Sam off at her place and I just thought I would drop by and see your pretty little face." Carly's entire body flinched as he reached up and traced her cheek with the tip of his long finger. She crossed her arms across her torso and straightened her back.

"I am going to tell Sam about this," Carly muttered, the words barely escaping her lips.

"No you're not," Jonah said shaking his head casually.

"What the hell makes you think that?" Carly said, tightening her grip on her arms.

"Has Sam ever told you about my cousin?" Jonah said, leaning up against the threshold of the door.

"No," Carly said as she glanced down at his torso and arms, just a few inches from her own. Had he muscled up these past few months? She could have sworn he was much thinner and had a lot less muscle just a month ago when he met Sam. When had he gotten muscles? Her eyes shot back up to his as a sneer spread across his thin face.

"His name is Ryan," He said, leaning a little closer to her, "He's kind of a dirty fuck. He likes his girls little. He got busted for fucking a little thirteen year old in his neighborhood. He's been in Monroe Correctional for six years now because of it."

"So what?" Carly mumbled, a dark thought creeping into her mind.

"Well, he and I were pretty close before the little bitch sold him out," Jonah said, "I write to him all the time and I go to see him whenever I can. He was once my idol, when I was a kid."

"W-what does he have to do with anything?" Carly said, the words catching in her throat.

"Well," Jonah said a soft laugh on his voice, "He is getting out next month and he is really excited to come stay with my mom and I."

"So what?" Carly said, becoming even more irritable.

"Well, there is a little secret that he told me that he has not mentioned to his correctional therapist," Jonah said as he leaned in closer to Carly. She could feel his hot breath on the nape of her neck as he spoke the next words, dragging each syllable out in a low, dark whisper, "He still likes little girls."

"You're sick," Carly snapped, dropping her arms to her side.

"Oh no, he's the sick one," Jonah said, "He loves his girls young, thirteen or fifteen," He stopped and looked at her, emphasizing on the number, "He likes his girls to be pretty little blondes with curly hair."

"You wouldn't dare," Carly said, her blood curdling deep in her body.

"Oh, I wouldn't do anything," Jonah said, throwing his hands up, "But Ryan might if I told him it was fine with me."

"I am going to call the police," Carly said, shooting her hand up for the doorknob.

"Nah," Jonah said snatching her hand midair and yanking her up against him, "You won't. I've already told him all about Sam. Remember that I know everything about Sam. I knew her address and her day-to-day routine. I know when she is home alone and I know exactly what alleys she has to walk by to get home when she walks late at night, when no one is about on the sidewalks."

"Please," Carly pleaded, he arm twisting where he was holding onto it.

"I've already told him all of this," Jonah said, "I have also told him that Sam is off limits but you know, if I were to get angry or I do not get what I want, I might as well tell him to go for it," He pulled her closer and brought his voice down low, "He can go ahead and play with her all he wants unless I get exactly what I want."

Jonah turned, Carly's wrist still in his hand and pulled her along the hallway. Carly pleaded and tried to pry his fingers from around her arm but nothing could loosen the boys drip. He led her to the elevator and pressed the button, commanding the door to open. The doors slip open before them and he yanked her arm forward. He pressed his hand to the middle of her back and shoved her onto the elevator floor. Carly fell to her hands and knees and turned her head just in time to see Jonah undoing his pants buckles and stepping into the elevator as the doors slid shut behind him.


	6. Chapter 6: Bloody Mint

I enjoy this kind of writing a tad bit too much. Something may be wrong with me.

Love always,

Mizz Maddnezz

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Chapter 6: Bloody Mint

Carly stared into the mirror, almost not recognizing the girl that stared back. The eyes were dark and blood shot. The usual soft brown of her eyes was dulled, almost black. Her eyeliner she had applied earlier that morning had not mixed well with her tears and her eyes burned with a fire that no water could wash away with ease. Her cheeks were a shade of pink that she had never seen them in before, her face completely flushed. Her hair was only slightly disheveled and didn't look overly different than it did before when went into the elevator. Her eyes paused at the pair of lips in the mirror. They were a pale shade of dull pink and more moist then they usually were.

She reached out for her toothbrush but paused as she glanced down to her hands. They were shaking. When had she begun shaking? She held her hands up in front of her face. Her long fingers were twitching and pulsing with every movement. She tried to make a fist but it seemed impossible as her fingers would not sit still long enough to tighten. She reached again for her toothbrush and saw the creamy specks on the edge of her sleeve that she had not notices before. Her body convulsed as she suddenly ripped her shirt off and threw it across the bathroom to the floor. She wrapped her arms around her now bare bra and held herself as her entire body trembled even more at the sudden chill.

She let her hand fall to the sink. She pressed the palms of her hands against the porcelain as she leaned in closer to the faucet where blistering, steaming water poured into the sink. When had she turned on the water? Had it been on this whole time? She really wasn't sure. With her arms shaking, she leaned in closer to the hot water and shoved her face under the heavy stream. Her skin twisted and sweltered with the hot water as is splashed all over her face. She opened her mouth, filling it with the boiling-temperature water and spit it back out. She lifted her head up to look at the reflection again. Her cheeks had become even more flushed as she spat the hot water from her lips. She picked up her toothbrush and with shaking hands, put toothpaste onto the brush and began vigorously brushing her teeth. She could feel the bristles piercing her gums as she dug the brush into her mouth, trying to wash away the taste of that boy. It wasn't working. She spat the green gunk from her mouth and filled her toothbrush with fresh toothpaste and began again.

Carly was not sure how long she brushed her teeth. The sink was speckled with bloody, pasty spit when she finished. She turned the water to as cold as she could and filled her mouth of the icy liquid and tried to swish away what had happened. Her whole body shook as she started to choke on the soapy, bloody water and she coughed, splattering the mixture all over the mirror. With shaking hands, she picked up her shirt from the floor and wiped the mirror down. She threw it into the clothing hamper and took a big handful of the water and splashed her face, calming her flustered cheeks.

She stared up into the reflection one last time as the ice cold water dripped from the tip of her nose. She swallowed a bit of bloody water. Her gums were still bleeding. They would bleed for a little while. She was okay with this. The taste of blood was much more welcoming then what she had tasted in that elevator. She much preferred the blood over the taste of that boy inside her mouth. The bitter metallic of her own blood was much more appealing then the salty substance she had been forced to choked down. She could still feel his hand on the back of her hand, yanking her hair. She could feel him inside her. Even though she cried and gagged, he didn't stop. He wouldn't stop. Her whole body shook as she slowly tiptoed down the hall to her bedroom. She opened her door and closed in behind her. She pulled the blanket from her bed and wrapped her body in the cold cloth and curled up as tight as she could onto her bed. She stared at the wall as her whole body shook and trembled under the blanket.


	7. Chapter 7: Nicotine High

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen! (And whatever else you happen to consider yourself which is A-OK with me!)

I hope you guys enjoyed my last chapters! I really wish that I had the balls to write an original story (novel sized) and try to get it published but I just can't. I know I have the talent for it but I just do not possess the willpower get down and write the motherfucker. Well, I am going to carry on with this chapter. Please, do not hesitate to review as there is nothing I love more than receiving feedback and critism so that I can better my writing! I hope you enjoy!

Love Always,

Mizz Maddnezz

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Chapter 7

Nicotine High

"Carly!" Spencer's voice echoed through the apartment and seeping through the cracked door of Carly's room where she was curled up under her blankets, her limbs wrapped around her body pillow. She could hear Spencer bouncing up the stairs, his feet barely touching each step as he bounded up the stairs, towards her room. He has always been like this ever since Carly could remember. No matter how hard things got for them and how lonely they were when their father was away, he always had that pep in his walk and unrealistic optimism about every little thing. Only once in her life had she seen the glow around him fade. It was when their mother passed away, six years ago when she was ten. She had cried so much those few months no matter what Spencer or her father tried to do to console her. They too were hurting but their mother's death impacted Carly in a way that she could barely cope with. That is how it is for a little girl when she loses her mommy. Spencer tried his hardest to keep happy and energetic, just for her but there were moments, when he thought she wasn't looking that she saw his shoulders fall under the weight of the world and his eyes would lose that glow that Carly loved so much. Only then would she see the pain he was feeling. A few months after their mother passed away, and her grief subsided, she never saw that part of him again. She always wondered how he could stay so happy. She for sure couldn't do it. No matter how hard she tried to keep the smile on her face, just like her big brother, she just couldn't get rid of that aching feeling in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't get all the bad things around her out of her head. Lately, it has gotten even harder.

It had been a week since incident in the elevator and no matter how hard Carly tried to erase the memory; it stung the back of her mind constantly. Every time she closed her eyes she could see Jonah's face as she looked up from her on her knees. His dark eyes burning her own with a fiery lust that tore her stomach apart. She could still feel his hands on the back of her head, gripping her hair. Carly's entire body tenses up under the blankets as she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to shake the thoughts from her head. She opened her eyes just as Spencer pressed his hand against the door and slid it open slowly.

"Are you awake?" Spencer whispered in the dim room. It was in the middle of the afternoon but Carly had dragged her heavy drapes over the window, blocking out any sunlight.

"Yea," Carly mumbled, staring down at Spencer obnoxiously bright colored socks.

"Come on," Spencer said, grabbing the blanket and pulling it off of her.

"Come on where?" Carly asked, tugging the blanket back up onto her shoulders.

"You have to get out of this bed," Spencer said pulling the blanket down once more, "I don't care what you do as long as you don't just lie here all night again."

"But I don't feel good," Carly mumbled curling her body up.

"I don't care," Spencer said sharply, startling Carly. He never got angry at her like that. She looked up at him as he glared down at her, "You keep saying that you don't feel good but you refused to let me set up a doctor appointment. Two of your teachers called me in the past week telling me that you have changed at school. You have yet to turn in an assignment in almost two weeks."

"That's not true," Carly said, sitting up and wrapping her arms around her legs.

"Oh really," Spencer said, crossing his arms, "Then why did Mrs. Briggs just tell me that on the phone?"

"I don't know," Carly mumbled, tucking her face in between her arms, "Please just leave me alone."

"Absolutely not," Spencer said, his voice becoming a little softer, "I want you to get out of this bed right now and go do something. Go get a smoothie with Freddie or something. He has dropped by three times since you got home from school to see you and you will not even go downstairs to see him."

"I just don't feel like it," Carly said.

"I do not care," Spencer said, "Please, just do this for me."

Carly looked up at her brother as he stared down at her, his eyes shimmering with what looked like sadness. Carly let out a long sigh and threw her legs over the side of the bed.

"Fine," Carly said, "I will go hang out with Freddie for a little bit."

"Good," Spencer said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He sorted through a few bills and pulled out a twenty, "Here you go."

Carly twiddled the twenty in between her fingers and watched as her brother put his wallet away and walked out of her room. Her shoulders dropped as she stuffed the bill into her pocket and grabbed her jacket off the chair and slipped it over her arms. She stepped into her flats and stopped just a moment to look into the mirror and check her hair before heading across the hall to see if Freddie wanted a smoothie.

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"Banana mango, as always," T-Bo said, setting the smoothie on the counter in front of Carly.

"Thanks T-Bo," Carly asked, grabbing the smoothie.

"No problem. Hey, would you like a burrito on a stick?" T-Bo asked, pulling a three foot long stick with several dripping burritos out from under the counter.

"No thanks," Carly said smiling. She turned around and headed towards the table where Freddie was sitting, sipping on his strawberry-banana smoothie.

"So, what's up?" Freddie asked as soon as Carly sat down on her stool.

"Absolutely nothing new from when you asked me when we walked in," Carly laughed before taking a long sip of her smoothie. The icy fruit coated her tongue with a delicious mango flavor with just a hint of the banana, "What about you?"

"My cousin is coming into town," Freddie said, twisting his straw in between his fingers.

"Which one is it?" Carly asked.

"Anna," Freddie said, "The crazy one with the lip ring."

"Not all people with lip rings are crazy," Carly said.

"Well, she is," Freddie said, "Mom told me that I have to hang out with her. She thinks I could be a good influence on her while she and my aunt are in town this weekend."

"Why are they visiting?" Carly asked.

"My aunt came up here to go to some school reunion and didn't feel like paying for a hotel," Freddie said, "So my mom offered out couches."

"Well, that sounds exciting," Carly said.

"Speak of the devil," Freddie said glancing over Carly's shoulder. Carly turned around to see a tall, thin girl about their age walking through the doors. She had brunette dreads swept back into a messy ponytail. Not only did she have a lip ring but her septum had a short rod sticking through it and she had double eyebrow rings on the left. She was wearing tight cargo pants and a black army tank-top that hugged her body a bit too tightly for such boyish clothing. Her heavily caked eyeliner eyes scanned the small café, stopping at Freddie. A big smile swooped over her face and she walked over to the table, twisting one of the stools backwards and plopping down in between the two teenagers.

"Hey Freddie," She said, smiling over at him, "Your mom told me I could find you here. Nice little place. It is great that it is walking distance from your apartment."

"Yea, we love it here," Freddie said, smiling. He nodded over at Carly, "This is Carly. She lives across the hall from me. Carly, this is Anna."

"Hi," Carly said, smiling over at Anna.

"Hey chick," She said, winking at Carly. She turned back to Freddie, "Your mom wants you to come home."

"Why?" Freddie groaned, rolling his eyes back.

"I honestly have no clue," Anna said, twisting her lip ring in between her fingers, "Her and my mom got to talking about crafts and shit and she sent me here to get you. She said you could come back after she spoke to you."

"Alright, fine," Freddie said. He took a long gulp of his smoothie and shoved it in front of Anna, "Here, drink this. I'll be back in a minute."

"Alright," Carly said, waving at Freddie as he walked out the door. She looked back over at Anna who was slurping the smoothie and staring at her, "So, how long did it take to get your hair like that?"

"I started when I was fourteen," She said, licking her lips of the pink smoothie, "So about three years."

"It looks pretty cool," Carly said.

"Yea, I like it," Anna shrugged, "Do you smoke?"

"Um," Carly said, her body tensing up, "Smoke what?"

"Just cigarettes," Anna said, pulling a pack of Marlboro Skylines from her pocket. She laughed and nudged Carly, "If you got pot, I'm game!"

"Nah," Carly said, laughing nervously, "Fresh out."

"Ah, damn," Anna laughed, "Let's go outside and smoke a cigarette."

"Sure," Carly said, grabbing her jacket and draping it over her arm. She followed as Anna led her out of the groovy smoothie and to the bench sitting at the bus stop outside the door. She plopped down onto the bench and pulled one of the cigarettes out, lighting it. Carly sat down beside her and watched as a long puff of smoke escaped her lips. Anna glanced over and caught her gaze, "Do you want one?"

"Nah," Carly said, shaking her head. A cool breeze tickled the back of her neck so she took a hold of her jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

"Are you sure?" Anna asked, holding the cigarettes, "It is great for calming your nerves and you look pretty tense."

"What do you mean?" Carly asked, twiddling her thumbs.

"I don't know," Anna said, shrugging, "I just have a thing where I can tell when someone's got something on their mind."

"Well I am perfectly fine," Carly said just as a nervous laugh escaped her lips.

"Sure," Anna said, raising her eyebrow. The sun caught the gleam of the silver rings just enough to catch Carly's eyes. She looked up just as she took another long drag of the cigarette and let out a heavy yellow puff of smoke. A small smile spread across Anna's lips as she stretched back and looked up at the sky.

"On second thoughts," Carly mumbled.

"Yea," Anna asked, glancing over at the dark haired girl.

"Maybe I could try one," Carly said nodding towards the cigarettes.

"Sure thing," Anna said reaching in her pocket and pulling out the pack of cigarettes. She plucked one of the short sticks from their resting place and passed it over to Carly. Carly slowly put the cigarette between her lips. Anna pulled out a shiny Zippo lighter from her bra and flicked it open, shooting a flame out, "Make sure you breathe it in all the way or your will cough."

Carly nodded as Anna pressed the flame up to the tip of the cigarette and it caught flame, quickly turning the tip into an ember. She pulled in a breath of air and felt her entire body convulse as she started to cough, spewing smoke and spit everywhere.

"Nah, nah," Anna laughed, "You're doing it wrong! Watch," Carly looked up through teary eyes and watched as Anna put her lips to the butt of her own cigarette and pulled in a long puff. She held it for a moment and let the smoke pour from her lips, "See?"

"Okay," Carly said, her throat still tingling from her coughing fit. She brought the cigarette to her lips once more and pulled in a long breath, letting the smoke be pulled into her lungs. She closed her eyes and relaxed her lungs, letting the smoke escape from her lips. She felt her entire body relax as she stared down at the cigarette. For the first time in many days, her mind relaxed and even cleared a little.

"See, girl! You got it," Anna said, taking another hit from her own cigarette.

"That is nice," Carly said, nodding, "Your 17 aren't you? How did you get these?"

"Fake Id, boo," Anna said reaching into her back pocket and holding out her wallet, flipping it open.

"Could you maybe get me some?" Carly asked.

"Sure, why not," Anna shrugged, "I love contributing to deliquesce of minors."

"How much are they?" Carly asked, pulling the change from her smoothie out of her pocket.

"Well, we are in the city so a pack of these is like 6 bucks," Anna said.

"Well, can you get me two of them?" Carly asked, counting out the seventeen dollars in her hand.

"Sure," Anna said, "Where is the closest convenience store?"

"There's a 7-11 right down there," Carly said, pointing down the block to the convenience store.

"Alright," Anna said snatching the money from Carly's hand and standing, "I'll be back in a minute."

Carly watched as Anna waltz away, her cigarette in hand. Carly looked down at her own cigarette and held it to her lips, pulling in the hot smoke. Her lung stung a little as she breathed in the smoke but as she released the smoke, she could feel her head clearing even more. She knew she shouldn't be doing this but she felt amazing. It had been so long since she felt as relaxed as she did. It was almost as if Jonah didn't exist as she sat there, smoking her cigarette and waiting for the rebel teen to return to their bench. It only took a few minutes for her to return with two silver and blue cigarette packets in her hand. She handed them to Carly, along with her change.

"Do you have a lighter at home?" Anna asked.

"No, not really," Carly said fumbling with the packs, trying to fit them into her pockets so no one could see.

"Here," Anna said holding her Zippo out to Carly, "I have another one in my bag at the apartment. Zippos are great. I personally think they make the cigarette taste better."

"Are you sure?" Carly asked, reaching out for the lighter.

"Yea," Anna said shrugging, "Would Freddie be cool if he knew you were smoking?"

"Please don't tell him," Carly said, taking another drag of her cigarette.

"Sure thing," Anna said, leaning back on the bench again, "Let me guess. Everyone sees you as a goody-goody?"

"Yea," Carly shrugged, "Kind of."

"Straight A's, home before curfew, straight edge?" Anna asked, "The perfect little teenager?"

"Yea, pretty much," Carly said.

"Well, I think they are wrong," Anna said, "I have straight A's. I am always home by curfew. I just like the way I look and I do a few illegal things. That doesn't make me a bad kid."

"I never said you were," Carly said, looking over at the girl.

"That's what people think when they see the dreads and piercings," Anna shrugged, "I think it is a lot of bullshit. I can look different and do a few bad things but in the end, I am just as normal as the next kid."

Carly nodded and took another hit of her cigarette. They carried on normal conversation and Carly stumped her cigarette out just a few moments before Freddie showed back up complaining about organizing crafts supplies for his mother. They finished their smoothies and carried on normal conversation except Carly barely spoke. Freddie and Anna talked about their lives, how they were doing, and other various things but all Carly could do was nod and stare off into space, thinking about the cigarettes in her pocket and how great they made her feel.


	8. Chapter 8: I Can't Tell

Chapter 8

I Can't Tell

When Carly got home that night after spending the afternoon with Anna and Freddie, the apartment was quiet. There was a note on the fridge stating that Spencer had a date with some girl that worked at the front desk of the art museum he visited often. Carly made herself a glass of iced tea and went up the stairs to the studio. She searched through the studio until she found a glass bowl that they used to hold paperclips and random things in. She dumped the bowl onto the desk and set it on the floor near the windows. She yanked the windows open and set a box fan from her room into the open window, blowing out. She pulled one of the pink beanbag chairs over to the window and set the glass of tea on the floor beside it. She pulled out the packs of cigarettes from her pocket and tossed one into the drawer of the dresser beside her. She held the other one in her hand and pulled the plastic strip from around it, discarding the wrapper in the drawer as well. She popped the pack open and ripped out the foil cover, adding it to the collection in the drawer. She pushed the drawer closed with her elbow and maneuvered a cigarette from the pack and placed it between her lips. She closed the pack and set it on top of the dresser. She plopped down onto the beanbag chair and pulled out the shiny Zippo from her pocket and lit the cigarette. Again, she was washed over with a relaxing urge as she breathed in the first puff.

She closed her eyes and smiled as she released the smoke into the air around her. She watched as the smoke was pulled into the fans and out the window into the cool night air. She suddenly jumped as her phone buzzed in her pocket, surprising her. She pulled the phone from her pocket and unlocked it only to feel her stomach drop to the ground as she saw Jonahs name lit up on the screen.

_New Text Message_

_Jonah_

_Last week was fun. I wanna see you again. I'll be over in a little bit._

Any relaxation she had felt before escaped every pore of her skin as she stared down at her phone. She felt her throat tighten up as she tried to take another hit from her cigarette. She sat there, her body tensing up with every second as she finished her cigarette. She felt a cold chill scrape up her spine when she heard the distant sound of a knock at the door. She put her still burning cigarette out in the bowl and went to answer the door.

"Hey Carly," Jonah said, a wide smile on his face as she opened the door. He walked in quickly, closing the door behind him and grabbed a hold of her waist, pulling her close. Carly tensed up as he pressed his lips against her own and forced his tongue into her mouth.

"You're disgusting," Carly said through clenched teeth after he finally pulled away.

"Oh, I know," He laughed, "Let's go upstairs to the studio. It's nice and quiet up there." He took hold of her wrist before she could deny the request and yanked her up the stairs and to the studio. He did not let go of her arm until he had her in the studio, the door closed. He sat down on the couch and looked up at her with a nasty sneer across his face.

"Take off your shirt," Jonah said after a few moments of staring at her.

"Spencer will be home any minute," Carly said, wrapping her arms around herself.

"I don't fucking care," Jonah said, a hint of irritation grazing his voice.

"Please don't make me do this," Carly whispered as her tears welled up. She hated herself. Why did she have to cry? Why did she let this guy do this to her? She knew the reason. The only reason she would ever allow herself to be hurt. The reason was Sam.

"Take it off," Jonah growled, standing suddenly.

"I don't want to," Carly whispered. The words barely escaped her lips before Jonah's swung his hand back and lay a heavy blow across her face. She could feel her body start to shake as her cheek stung under the impact. She raised a shaking hand up to her stinging cheek and held it, crying.

"Take it off," Jonah whispered once again. A tear fell down Carly's cheek as a sob escaped her lips. She slowly reached down to the bottom of her shirt and slid it over her head and let it fall to the floor. She kept her head bowed as she wrapped her arms around her chest. She could feel Jonah's eyes burning her skin as he reached out and ran both his hands down her shoulders. She flinched at his touch as he took hold of one of her bra straps and pulled it down to her elbow. Her pulled the other strap down and grabbed her arms, yanking them from around her body and down to her sides. She started to choke on sobs as he reached out once again and pulled her bra down, letting it hang from her torso. She could feel the chilled air rush over her skin as she clenched her eyes shut. She felt his rough hands slowly slide down her collar bone and to her chest.

She yanked away as the tip of his fingers grazed her breasts. She turned around and started to reach for the door but the sudden grasp of Jonahs hands around her hair yanked her back. He threw her onto the ground and turned her around, climbing onto of her. She thrashed her hands, scratching and smacking any part of him that she could as he grabbed a hold of her sweat pants and yanked them down.

"Don't do this!" she sobbed, yanking his shoulders as much as she could. She kicked her legs against his chest, digging the heels of her feet into his torso. He reached out and threw his fist against her jaw, laying a heavy blow that threw her eyes into darkness. She continued to thrash and scrape him until he grabbed a hold of her shoulders and flipped her over. She clawed at the carpet, screaming and crying. He grabbed a hold of her arms and yanked them behind her back with one hand and shoved a part of the pants leg to her sweat pants into her mouth. She felt herself gagging as she tried to wrench her arms from his grasp. She tried to push the cloth from her mouth but he continued to shove it deeper. She felt a sharp pain twist through her entire body as he slammed her face into the carpet and pinned her arms to her back. She cried into the carpet, her face stinging with a combination of the recent slap and the rug burn she was acquiring. She felt his hands wrestle with her panties until they were down to her knees.

The last thing Carly saw as she glanced over her shoulder, her tears pouring down her cheeks, was Jonah unzipping his pants and then everything went black. Her body was in that floor but she wasn't there. She could feel Jonahs hands pinning her to the floor and she felt the sharp pain as he pressed himself inside of her. She tried her hardest to let out a scream as he slipped into a place no one had ever been before but only the soft gagging noises could be heard. It only took a few minutes of angry grunts and violent convulsions before he had finished. He let go of her arms and pulled away, standing. Carly yanked the cloth from her mouth and lay on the floor, as her whole body shook with sobs. She closed her eyes tightly and cried for so long. She wasn't even sure when Jonah left but once she opened her eyes, she was alone in the room. Her legs shook as she tried to stand, her body sore from abuse. She fell back to her knees and let out a long, heavy cry. She looked down at the carpet now stained with smeared blood and semen.

She stood again and carried herself slowly to the bathroom leaving the mess and the pants on the floor. She stripped of her last garment, the bra he had so kindly left hanging around her torso and reached out, turning on the hot faucet. The steaming water poured from the faucet and started to fill the tub. She slowly tiptoed back to the studio on wobbling legs, completely naked and picked up her pack of cigarettes from where she left them on the dresser. She lit a cigarette with shaking hands and dropped the pack onto the floor. She returned to the partially filled bathtub and submerged herself into the hot water. She curled up and took a long drag of her cigarette as she shook with heavy sobs. No matter how hard she tried to stop crying, she just couldn't stop. Every time her body started to ease away from the tears, she would feel him again, inside her, and she would convulse once more, enveloped in sobs.

She finished her cigarette just as the tub filled up. She twisted the water off and flicked the butt into the toilet and lay on her side, letting the water soak into her body. She closed her heavy eyes and lay in the tub for a length of time she was not sure of. The water was chilly by time she decided to step out of it, her fingertips and toes wrinkled from hydration. She dried off and slipped into a loose t-shirt before crawling into her bed and staring at the wall for the rest of the night, only leaving for a few moments to smoke another cigarette. She heard the door open and close as Spencer came home. He tiptoed up the stairs and peeked into the room where she was lying, her eyes locked on the wall across from her.

"Hey," He whispered, stepping into the room and sitting next to her on the bed. She held her stare with the wall, her body unable to respond to the attempted conversation.

"Are you okay?" Spencer asked. Carly opened her mouth to respond but something in the back of her head stopped her. She closed her eyes slowly and swallowed down the tears that were starting to burn the back of her throat. She continued her staring contest with the wall as Spencer shifted where he sat and started to talk, "Listen, I don't know what is wrong with you. I don't know if I could even help if I did know but I want you to understand that I am here for you. I know that sounds really cheesy but if I can, I will help you."

"You can't help me," Carly muttered, her voice cracking halfway through the statement.

"How the hell are you suppose to know if you don't tell me what is wrong?" Carly jumped at the sudden anger in his voice, "I want to help you. Whatever the hell is going on with you, I want to make it better."

"Don't you get it?" Carly snapped suddenly, sitting up in her bed, "I don't want you to help me!"

"Fine," Spencer said, standing, "You can sit up here and mope all you want."

"That is exactly what I am trying to do," Carly said. She watched as Spencer stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. She closed her eyes tightly as the tears poured down her cheeks.

"It would kill him if he knew what he did to me," Carly mumbled to herself. She wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled them to her chest. She trailed her hand down to her thigh and felt between her legs. Her skin was sore and tender. She snapped her hand back up to her legs and stared at the wall, letting the tears fall freely onto her shirt. She and Spencer never fought. She didn't want him to be angry with her but she couldn't say anything to him. She felt her lips tremble as she whispered to herself.

"I can't tell."


	9. Chapter 9: A Different World

Chapter 9

A Different World

It happened again the next night. Jonah showed up at the door at three in the morning, the smell of vodka on his breath and lust flowing through his veins. Carly didn't put up a fight this time. She didn't see a point. He would get what he wanted either way. She let him do what he wanted and again, he finished quickly and off he went, leaving her to clean up. Anna and Freddie came over Sunday so Anna could say goodbye before heading out. Freddie tried to stick around a little longer to make sure Carly was okay but that only led to awkward silence.

He left soon after and Carly was left alone, once again. Spencer was already cooped up in his room, probably heading to bed. Carly wanted to go to bed but she knew she wouldn't fall asleep, no matter how much she wanted to. She walked into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. Lined up in front of her face was a plethora of pill bottles and boxes of medicine. She picked up the first orange bottle.

"There has to be some kind of sleeping meds somewhere in here," Carly mumbled to herself. She read the label of the bottle and set it back on the shelf. She grabbed the next bottle and read the label, "Hydrocodone 15 milligrams," Carly whispered. She remembered when Spencer had to take these after he got his molars taken out. He got so doped up on them the first two days that he couldn't handle it. He couldn't get any work done and with deadlines approaching, he decided to just toss them to the side and dosage up on ibuprofen.

She held the pills in her hand and stared down at them. She clutched them in her hand and slammed the cabinet shut behind her before heading to her room. She set the bottle on her desk and sat at her chair, flipping her laptop open. After a few minutes of researching, she found all of the information she needed. She took the bottle in her hand and popped the child seal top open. She tipped it over, letting two of the white pills fall into the palm of her hand. She swallowed the two pills with a few gulps of water. She got dressed in comfortable pajamas and sat back on her bed to watch _Lion King _before heading to bed. _I Just Can't Wait to be King_ had barely finished when she had the urge to pee. She threw her legs over the edge of the bed and the moment her feet touched the floor, the euphoric feeling that she had read about online washed over her. Her head spun for just a moment as she fell back onto her bed and giggled. She held her hands up to her face and stared at her hands that tingled in front of her.

"What is this?" She laughed to herself as her mind started to spin. She had felt completely normal just a few seconds before and now, it felt as if she was floating. Why had she taken the pills in the first place? Oh yea, Jonah. She let out a long laugh. Why was she laughing about him? She didn't care. All she knew was that she was in a great mood. She floated to the bathroom and then, without even thinking she turned the corner and headed straight for the studio. She plopped down onto the beanbag chair she had left in front of the window and pulled out her cigarettes.

"This is great," She whispered to herself as all of her worries and even Jonah slipped from her memory and she was carried away out of the window and out to the cold air.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

When Carly got up that morning for school, she swallowed two more pills and stuffed the bottle into her bag. By time she got to school, she was walking on air once again. As soon as her high wore off a little while after lunch, she swallowed two more pills without a second thought. She didn't think they were bad for her or anything. I mean, hell, they were prescribed by a doctor so they couldn't be that bad for her. As she stood in the bathroom, just after downing the hydros, she glanced at the pill bottle that sat on the edge of the sink in front of her. There were only eleven pills left in the bottle. It would be empty soon at the rate she was taking them. She would have to fix that. Never in her life did she wonder how she was going to get a hold of pills until then. She couldn't get them from her doctor. There was nothing as bad as her lying skills. She was almost as bad at lying as Spencer and that is saying a lot. Of course she could always buy them. She knew of the shady kids that hung out around the back of the school after everyone started to head home. They were upperclassmen and most of them were known for being the druggies of the schools. All the other druggies of the school hid their little recreations pretty well if someone like Carly could walk the halls unnoticed. This made Carly think. How many kids out there were popping pills and smoking pot? How many kids went to the back of the school, up to this notorious group of kids and bought illegal substances? How many kids did she walk by every day go there after the last class was over when they were interested in buying something you couldn't get at Wal-Mart or a Pharmacy shelf? Carly knew that she had enough pills to last a few days but what would happen when she ran out? She wanted to feel this good forever.

As soon as the last bell rang, she darted off from her class and out of the school as fast as she possibly could so not to bump into Freddie or Sam, or especially Jonah on her way. When she got to the spot, the kids weren't there yet so she tiptoed off to the side, under the maple tree in the courtyard and waited. While she waited, she popped two more of her pills, hoping that would bring up her courage for what she was about to do. As kids started to disperse from the courtyard, some heading to their buses and some walking home, a few older looking kids met up at the fence and stood there talking. That was when Carly spotted Chris, a guy she knew from her Biology class. He was very tall and lanky kid. He had shoulder length brown hair that always seemed to be oily and he had a bit of a half-ass goatee. He was a grade above everyone else in the class but had failed that class and forced to redo it. He was very commonly known as a class clown and a huge stoner. There were many times that he came to class with bloodshot eyes, reeking of subtle skunk. Carly had spoken to him a few times in that class and despite the stories; she thought he was a pretty cool guy. She watched as he met up with the other kids standing at the fence and started to talk to one of the kids. Carly swallowed down her fear and walked up to the group of guys. Chris noticed her first and his face lit up with a smile.

"Hey there, Carly," He said, waving.

"Hey," Carly mumbled, a little smile crossing her face.

"What are you hanging around here for?" He asked, glancing over at the other guys that had looked over.

"I, um," Carly started. She swallowed down again and looked up at Chris, "Do you know where I could get something?"

"Well," Chris laughed, "What kind of something?"

"Pills," Carly said, the word slipping through her lips quickly.

"Well, well, well," He said, raising his eyebrows, "That, I was not expecting!"

"Yea, I know," Carly said shrugging, "Do you know where I can get some?"

"Well, I'm not big on pills. Pot is my one and only true love but my buddy Ryan over there might be able to hook you up," Chris said nodding at one of the taller guys, a blonde, "Ryan, come here." The guy glanced over and smiled before patting the guy next to him on the shoulder, cutting him off midsentence and walked over.

"My friend here is looking for a little something under your specialty," Chris said, wrapping his arm around Carly's shoulder.

"Aren't you a little young to be playing around with this stuff?" Ryan asked.

"She's only a grade below us," Chris said, turning and looking at Carly. He shrugged and looked back up to Ryan, "She just looks young."

"Alright," Ryan shrugged, "What are you looking for?"

"Hydros," Carly said, glancing over her shoulder. Most of the kids had left for wherever they were heading. Only a few kids were lingering and one of the custodians was clearing out a trashcan by the back door of the gym.

"Well, I don't have any," Ryan said, "But I can get you some. How many were you looking for?"

"I don't know," Carly shrugged, "What would they cost?"

"Two per pop," Ryan said. He stared down at Carly who stared back with a confused look. He laughed, "Are you new to this?"

"Yea, a little," Carly said, "I've never bought them before. My brother had a prescription he didn't take and I kind of swiped them."

"Alright, well two per pop means two dollars for each pill," He said, "That is kind of cheap for this area but hey, you seem like a nice chick."

"Alright, I can do that," Carly said. She knew she had fifty dollars back in her room, "I have fifty bucks to spend on this."

"Give me your number," Ryan said, flipping his phone from his pocket, "I can get a hold of my guy and get them to you tonight. We can plan to meet somewhere."

Carly and Ryan traded numbers and they shared their farewells. That night, Carly met up with Ryan in a library parking lot and she did her first drug deal. It was actually a lot more casual then she had assumed it would be. In her head, she imagined walking up to a corner and not even speaking a word. They would just trade the money and pills and carry on walking. That isn't what happened. Ryan was just chilling, leaning on the hood of his car when she got there. They talked casually after they traded the goods. He explained to her that snorting the pills was much more effective and made them last longer. She just nodded and accepted his advice though she was sure swallowing them would be just well enough. She added the new pills to her diminishing bottle and headed home. She got off the bus just down the road from the apartment and pulled a cigarette, taking long slow puffs as she slowly walked home.

That night, she took two more pills and lay down in her bed, playing with a Rubik's cube and puffing on a cigarette. Had all of her problems actually gone away with just the help of a few pills and quick nicotine highs?

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

_Three Days Later_

"Wake up, Carly."

Carly's eyes shot open at the sudden sound of a voice whispering her name into the darkness of the room. Her eyes darted from one dark corner to the next until they settled on a pair of dark brown eyes staring right back at her in the darkness. She reached for the lamp on her nightstand and flipped it on. She was met but the nasty sneer of a boy she most desperately wished would just get hit by a car.

"How did you get in my house?" Carly hissed, yanking her blanket up to her chest.

"Sam's key," He said, holding a key dangling from a lanyard, "Why would you give some kid a key to your apartment?"

"Because she is actually my friend," Carly said, "Unlike you."

"Aw, that was mean," Jonah laughed. He took a hold of the blanket and slipped it slowly down off of her body. He smirked and pulled his backpack from his shoulder and rummaged through it, "After all the trouble I went through to get this for you." He held up a camera and a tossed it to his other hand, "I thought I would film a movie and you could be my little," He paused and ran a finger through her hair, "My little star."

"There is no way in hell I will let you film me," Carly sputtered, shoving his hand from her face.

"Oh, you don't have a choice," He laughed. He grabbed her wrist and twisted it behind her. He set the camera on the nightstand and grabbed a package of shoelaces from his bag. He ripped it open with his teach and grabbed a hold of one of the laces.

"What the hell are you doing?" Carly yelped, trying to claw his hand from around her wrist. He grabbed her other wrist and wrapped the lace around her wrists, over and over until they were completely bound. He grabbed the other lace and tied it around the first one and yanked it tight, over her head. He wrapped the other end of the lace around the bar of her bed and tied it onto the wood, yanking her arms sharply. She yelped and kicked.

"That's enough of that," He laughed before grabbing a wadded up rag from his back and shoving it down her throat. Her muffled cries filled the room as he stripped her of her pajama pants and set the camera up on the dresser across the room. He looked over at her and smirked as tears fell down her cheeks, "Action."

He walked over to the side of the bed and stripped of his own shirt and pants. He climbed on top of her in just his boxers and pulled her shirt up, exposing her breasts. His hands caressed every inch of her skin as he tweaked and twisted each part. His tongue grazed her skin, leaving a wet trail of saliva down her chest. Carly yanked and wrench her arms, trying to break from free her bondage with no luck. She let out a heavy sob into the rag as she felt his teeth nibble on her exposed skin. She threw her leg up and caught him in the edge of his jaw, with her knee, throwing him back onto the bed. He stared at her from across the bed as a trickle of blood ran down the side of his lip.

"So you want it rough, you little bitch," He said, running his tongue across his open wound. He was onto of her again, one hand around her neck as his other hand went between her legs. She thrashed her legs as he pressed his face against her chest and bit down on her breasts, shooting pain up her entire body. She twisted and turned every way she could and his fingers abused the place he so much liked. He climbed onto of her chest and pulled his boxers off. He yanked the rag from her mouth and pressed himself against her lips, wrenching them open. Carly gagged and cried as he pushed himself into her throat, grunting and laughing to himself and whispering foul words.

"Take it, you little bitch," He kept whispering as he yanked on her hair and pressed himself deep into her throat. He pulled away as Carly choked and cough, her face flushed with tears as she gasped for air. He looked down at her and smirked, "Where's your hair brush?"

"I don't know," Carly cried.

"Useless," He muttered before shoving the rag back down her throat. He stood and searched her room until he found what he was looking for. He flipped her over on the bed and pressed himself inside of her. She squeezed her eyes closed as he pounded into her. Her eyes shot open as she felt the hairbrush press against her rectum. She twisted her legs under him, trying to pull away when the sharp pain shot up her spine as he slipped the brush into her ass. She opened her eyes and stared into the camera as the tears poured down her cheeks.

He had his fun for much longer then he usually did. When he had finished with the brush, he put himself into her ass and abused her until he was content. He finished all over her back and pulled away. He got dressed, untied the shoelaces from the bed and left Carly crying, curled up in her soiled sheets, still bound at the hands, carrying away his camera. It took several minutes before Carly was able to wrench her hands from the laces and pull the rag from her mouth. She stood, her body sore, and pulled her pajama pants on. She looked down to her hands, purple from being cut off circulation. Long, dark blue bruises wrapped around wrists and a trail of sore purple spots trailed along her neck and breasts. She fell to the floor next to her bed and wrapped her arms around her legs, pulling them close. For the first time since she started taking the pills a week before, she cried into the carpet, muffling her cries with her hands so to not wake Spencer.

It took many long, painful minutes before she was able to choke down her cries and tiptoe over to her desk. She pulled out the pill bottle from her bag and set three pills on the desk. Swallowing them wouldn't be enough and she knew it. She pulled out a piece of paper and folded it around three of the pills. Using her Zippo lighter, she crushed the pills in the paper. She saw a kid at school do this once during class and it seemed to work effectively for him. After she had crushed the pills down to a fine powder, she poured the white substance on the desk and put it into two long, thick lines. She ripped a corner from the piece of paper and rolled it up, just as the kid had done in the class and leaned in. She wasn't sure about this part. Was she supposed to just suck it into her nose or was there more to it? She wasn't sure. She leaned in close, pressed the rolled up paper against the edge of the line and inhaled, pulling the substance into her lungs. She instantly pulled back after only doing a fraction of the line and started to cough, her eyes watering. A sweet taste trickled down her throat as she regained regular breathing. She let out a long breath and leaned in again, pulling the white substance into her nose with a heavy snort. The first line was done. She sat up quickly, her head already feeling a little fuzzy. She switched the paper to her other nostril and finished off the final pill and a half, pulling it into her lungs deeply. With trembling hands, she set the paper down on the desk and rested her head on the back of the chair, her body becoming weak as a smile spread across her face. She glanced around the mess in the room. She needed to clean this up. Just as she tried to stand, her legs buckled under her and she collapsed onto the floor, her face smashing into the rug. She let out a long burst of laughter as she curled up and closed her eyes. The world around her went black as her mind raced to another part of the universe far, far away from her room. This new place wasn't heavy with the smell of sex. In this world, her mother hadn't died and her brother was still as happy as ever. In this world, Freddie, Sam, and Carly were doing iCarly as always. In this place, the air tasted of sweet powder and her nose tickled. In this place, her body didn't hurt the way it did in her room. In this different part of the universe, far away, Jonah didn't exist. In this place, Carly didn't exist.


	10. Chapter 10: A Brother's Interrogation

Hello Everyone :)

I just want you guys to know that I have a hard time writing some scenes in this story. I am pretty sure you can guess which scenes. To tell the truth, I believe that some of the purest and most extreme emotions to run through the human mind come from abuse. The human mind is so fragile. It is so easily broken. When someone goes through abuse whether it is through emotional, verbal, physical, or as this story shows, sexual, it truly does change who you are and the way you think. Sometimes, it can turn you into a better person and sometimes, more often than not, it can turn you into a monster.

Love Always,

Mizz Maddnezz

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Chapter 10

A Brother's Interrogation

The next few days didn't exist for Carly. The weeks that followed were not quite memorable either. Carly did her day to day routine, as always. She conversed with Sam, Spencer, and Freddie but never did she actually speak words that mattered. She went to school, had a smoothie or two but never did any of this actually exist to her anymore. She sat in her classes, her teachers droning though a lesson but she couldn't hear a word anymore. Weeks went by as if they never actually happened. Carly floated through every single day, her feet not even touching the ground. She went through her entire reserve of pills within the first week and quickly bought more. When she sat at her desk at school all she could do was think about how badly she wanted to slip away and smoke a cigarette and inhale another long, sweet line of paradise. Jonah came over at least once a week and stole another part of her soul. He slipped her away from class and brought her to her knees in the janitor's closet. Carly gave up fighting completely. After the moment in her bedroom with the camera, it was over for her. Every part of her being was broken and the only thing that made her feel even kind of human again was the sweet pills waiting at the bottom of her bag to be crushed and the sour taste of a cigarette.

Carly sat in Mrs. Briggs' class, staring down at the textbook rereading the same line over and over again. She was not even sure what the assignment was that she was supposed to be doing. Hell, she had no clue what lessons they were even working on this week. What day was it anyway; Wednesday, Thursday? She had no clue. Hell, it could be Friday for all she knew. She let out a long sigh at the thought of Friday. No dragging herself from her bed just to listen to the lessons she stopped caring about. She wouldn't be forced to pretend to eat the food the school was serving. She didn't have to fake laughter with the people she used to call her best friends. Two days of no one bothering her. The first few weeks were hard. Spencer was constantly trying to get her out of bed trying to bribe her with anything. She knew he was only trying to help her but she didn't want help. She just wanted to lie in her bed and sleep.

When she got home, she was welcomed with one of those moments in life that all of us fear. It was one of those moments when you walk in the room and you instantly know that you are fucked. No, not the "I am going to be grounded" fucked. It was a moment when you know that you had hurt someone in a way you probably could never fix. It was one of those moments that she has regretted for the rest of her life. As soon as she cracked the door open, she could see Spencer sitting on the couch. His arms were crossed and his chest rose heavily with every breath. He eyes were locked on the coffee table in front of him. One of her packs of cigarettes was sitting face up on the wooden surface. She had run out after a few days but luckily, when she met up with Ryan, he was able to buy her some more. Her heart dropped to the bottom of her stomach as she stopped in the doorway, clinging to her bag, the door still open behind her.

"You know what I find really funny?" Spencer muttered, his voice catching in his throat a little. Carly stood and stared at him. She could feel the color from her skin drain as he spoke, "When mom died, you took all of her cigarettes and flushed them down the toilet," Carly was startled by the dry laugh that came from his voice as his words cracked even more, "You were such an angry little kid. You grabbed all three packs of cigarettes she had in her room and tore them open and just threw them into the toilet, screaming at them," Spencer stopped and cleared his throat, "You kept repeating over and over, 'You killed my mommy'." He dragged each word apart as if they were stabbing him in his stomach as he spoke

"Spencer, I-" Carly started but was cut off suddenly as Spencer stood and looked down at her, his entire face empty of anger. Her throat clenched up as she saw the pain radiating from his teary eyes.

"You made me promise you I would never touch a cigarette in my life," Spencer muttered, "When dad told you that mom was killed from lung cancer because of the cigarettes, you made me promise that I would never in my life smoke a cigarette."

Carly searched her entire mind, sifting through thoughts, trying to find an excuse to give her brother. She begged herself to come up with a reason for having the cigarettes but she came up blank. Her heart dropped even lower. She was pretty sure it had to be on the floor right about then.

"I kept that promise," Spencer whispered, "A college student that went to parties, had a lot of friends that smoked. I never touched a cigarette once because I had made my baby sister a promise."

"They aren't mine," Carly finally muttered, her voice catching in her throat.

"That's total bull shit," Spencer growled, startling Carly with the use of a curse word which was not common for Spencer, "There is an ash tray in the studio. Unless the person that you are holding them for is coming over here to smoke them, you just lied to me."

"Spencer, I didn't mean to," Carly said, her breath quickening in her chest.

"Also, why the hell don't you tell me what this is as well?" Spencer said pulling the piece of paper she used to crush her pills from in his pocket, along with the short straw she had cut for obvious uses. She looked down at the white residue that caked the edge of the straw. Carly's eyes widened as she stared down at his open hand. He balled them up in his fist and stared down at her, "Have you been doing drugs, Carly?"

"No, no," Carly muttered, her hands shaking in front of her, "It's just pills, I swear!"

"Just pills," Spencer yelped, holding the paper out to her once again, "Do you know what pills can do to you? They can kill you. Unless they are prescribed by a doctor and taken in the exact way the god damned doctor told you to, they have the potential to tear you apart from the inside. Do you know how many kids die because of pill overdose?" Spencer's voice suddenly caught in his throat as his eyes welled up. His breath quickened as he started to cry, "Why have you been doing this to yourself?"

Carly felt a dagger dig into her back, ripping through her ribcage and piercing her heart as the tears started to fall from Spencer's eyes. Her voice started to crack as she tried to speak.

"I just-" She started, her heavy breathing making it hard for her to speak, "I just couldn't take it anymore."

"Take what?" Spencer begged, dropping the paper and straw onto the carpet, "What is wrong! For almost two months now you have completely changed into another person! You won't go out with your friends. You have started smoking cigarettes and snorting pills! You use to be so proud of your grades and now, you're failing school. You have stopped iCarly all together," His voiced broke as he started to cry. His voice fell low as he dropped his head down, staring at the floor, "You won't cook with me anymore. You won't even speak to me anymore."

"Spencer," Carly whispered, her own tears threatening to fall, "I couldn't help it. I didn't mean to start. Your pills were in the cabinet and the moment I saw them, I just couldn't help myself. I had heard so many stories at school about them and how they could make me feel good. That was all I wanted; to feel good again."

"But Carly," Spencer whispered, looking at his sister, his eyes heavy, "No matter what was going on, we could have made it better. I could have helped you. You didn't have to go into this."

"No, you couldn't," Carly muttered, "Sometimes not even your jokes can make everything better," Carly looked up at Spencer as the pain washed over his face. "I didn't mean for this to get so out of hand."

"Well, it did," Spencer whispered, his hands dropping to his sides. He looked up to his sister, "I am going to have someone come tomorrow to talk to you, a counselor of sorts."

"You want me to get therapy?" Carly sputtered.

"I don't know what else to do," Spencer said, "I've tried talking to you and that didn't work. I don't know what to do."

"Please don't make me talk to a therapist," Carly begged, "I can stop. I can quit this, I promise!"

"It doesn't matter, Carly," Spencer said, "It is not just the pills and the cigarettes. It is the seclusion and the lack of interest of everything you use to love so much."

"I just don't feel good lately," Carly mumbled. Her eyes welled up once more as tears poured from her eyes, falling onto the floor in front of her silently.

"I want to help you," Spencer whispered wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close, his own voice cracking, "I can't stand seeing you like this."

"I have just been hurting so much," Carly cried into her brothers' shoulder.

"And we can make you feel better," Spencer whispered, hugging her tightly.

They stood there, the next few minutes crying together in each other's arms. Together, they talked about what they could do to make things better. Carly got so close to telling him what had been happening but just as the words were about to slip from her lips, something in the back of her mind stopped her. That night, they made dinner together and watched _Howl's moving Castle _together, a guilty pleasure that they both shared. They shared the rest of the night together, brother and sister laughing and talking. Carly didn't think of her cigarettes or pills once the entire night.


	11. Chapter 11: The Lonely Boy

Chapter 11

The Lonely Boy

Freddie held his legs to his chest as he stared into the darkness of his room. It was well past midnight. His mother would be infuriated if she knew he was still up. He was so unbelievable sick of his mother. The past few weeks had been brutal. Without Carly in his life, he spent more and more time at home. He could go spend time with some of the other geeks of the school but none of them were Carly. She was his best friend, the girl he loved. She hadn't spoken to him more than a few words in a long time. She had been so distant lately that Freddie barely even knew who she was anymore. It was the same with Sam. He may hate her for how much she tortured him all these years but she was still a friend. Ever since she met Jonah, she cut both Freddie and Carly from her life. Maybe that was what was wrong with Carly. Did she miss Sam? Was that why she was so upset? It couldn't be. There had to be something more. He knew that Carly smoked cigarettes now. Anna had let it slipped that she gave her cigarettes but he didn't really mind. Carly needed to loosen up a little bit anyway plus cigarettes were not the reason she was cutting herself form the world. There had to be something else.

Freddie groaned out into the dark room and flipped over onto his back, spreading his limbs about his bed. It hurt being so lonely. He didn't want to admit it but that was all he felt these days. It was as if a weight was pulling on a string attached to his heart, pulling his entire body down. He couldn't tell anymore. His mother would want to bring him to a therapist and get him prescribed on another load of medication, just as she had done when his father passed away when he was seven. He had become so secluded and broken that she had him dosage up on any kind of medication they would allow for a seven year old kid. He hated his life at that time. It is hard to think of a kid hating their life but he did. That was when his mother tightened her grip on him. Suddenly, she swore he had every illness she could think of and he was made of allergies that he had never had problems with in his life. Since then, it has been just the same. She was always so protective of him. He couldn't do anything without his mother breathing down the back of her neck.

The only times he had the slightest bit of relief from his mother was when he hung out with Carly and Sam. When they would do iCarly or slip away to the groovy smoothie were the best times for him. He missed them so much, it was unbelievable. He never knew how attached he became to those two girls until he didn't have them anymore. He hated clichés but he finally did understood the saying "You don't know what you have until it's gone" because he was damn sure missing those two girls in his life. Even if Sam abused him and Carly rejected his affection, he still loved them and he missed them with every part of his being and spending so much time with his mom made it so much worse.

It was kind of cool when Anna was over. She had always frightened him throughout their childhoods. Even though they were about the same age, she always seemed so much more mature then he was, not to mention when she got her lip done when she was fourteen and his mother gave him a two hour long speech on respecting his body after telling her about it. Still, when she came to visit that weekend, he finally got to really get to know her in the few days she was there. He actually kind of missed her. She had only been gone a week after her short stay and he found himself texting her all the time, talking about their day and what was going on. The second they were out the door, he had to sit through an hour long rant from his mother about how much she disliked teenager these days like Anna. Of course, he kept his mouth shut and just nodded along. There was no arguing with his mother.

Freddie turned on his side once more and picked up his clock from his night stand and glared at it. He set the clock back down on the nightstand with a heavy clank and turned to his other side and stared into the darkness of the room. Tomorrow was Saturday. Usually they would be doing iCarly rehearsals and getting ready for the next show but Carly had decided they would put the show on hold for a little while. His day was entirely empty. Another lonely day he would have to spend with his mother ranting and primping him as if he was a child. He was sick of it. He had to get away from her somehow. He searched his mind trying to think of something he could do to escape her. He could go to the Groovy Smoothie or the library but he had already been there several times in the past week. He could try to go hang out with Carly. He wasn't quite sure how she would react to him showing up. Every time he has gone over there, Spencer answered the door and told him Carly didn't want to hang out. Wait a minute. Was she angry at him? Did he do something wrong? He searched his mind trying to think of what he could have done to make Carly angry at him. His mind raced with thoughts for the rest of the night.

Freddie wasn't sure when he fell asleep. In between different thoughts on his life, he had finally strayed off into a restless sleep. He didn't awake into his mother paraded in the room, throwing his window open and yanking the blanket off of him. He groaned and whined as she forced him out of the bed and shoved an already planned outfit into his face and shoved him into the bathroom for a shower. He continued on in their usual morning routine and forcefully swallowed down and overly vitamin-injected breakfast.

"I'm going to go see Carly," Freddie mumbled as he finished his last bite of granola bites cereal.

"Be back soon," His mother said, flipping through a parenting magazine, "You know I do not like you hanging out with that girl."

"Yea, I know mom," Freddie said as he scooted his chair back and headed for the door, "I'll be back soon." Just as he was closing the door behind him, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He unlocked it and glanced down at the text.

_New Multimedia Message from Alex Karp _

_Accept or Deny?_

He pressed the accept button and waited for the picture message to load. His eyes widened as he saw the image load in front of him. It was a mostly nude photo of Carly, taken in her bathroom. Her bare breast was out for all eyes to see. Ever since he met Carly he had lusted over her but something happened to him that day that no one would expect from a sixteen year old boy with a new nude photo of one of the cutest girls in their school. Instead of getting excited, like most boys would, his nerves sparked with an unexplainable anger. He quickly responded to the text.

_Where did you get this?_

He leaned up against the wall next to his door and stared down at his phone, his blood starting to boil with something he didn't quite understand. It wasn't jealousy. He had given up on being jealous after the many years of her dating other boys. It wasn't envy of the boy that she sent the picture to. He knew Alex hadn't gotten the picture himself. He had never seen the two speak before, much less send nude pictures. His phone buzzed in his pocket.

_New Text Message_

_Alex: That kid, Jonah was showin every1 in Geometry yesterday. I know u want that ass so there ya go!_

Did that say Jonah? Why the hell did Jonah have a picture of her? Is that what was going on? Was Jonah cheating on Sam with Carly? Something wasn't right. Carly wouldn't do that; she couldn't do that to Sam. She wasn't that kind of girl. Freddie pulled the picture back up and stared down at it. Her face was different. There was no bright smile or cheery posture. She didn't look proud of the picture. Her eyes were dark under furrowed brows. She had the most irritable pouting lips he had ever seen on her face. Whoever got her to take this picture, she wasn't happy about it. He shoved his phone into his pocket and stepped over to her door, laying a heavy knock on the door. A few moments later it swung open and Spencer greeted him with a big smile.

"Hey Freddie," He said, holding the door open.

"Is Carly home?" He asked, smiling.

"Yea, sure," He said. He turned and yelled into the apartment, "Carly, Freddie is here!"

"Be down in a minute," She yelled from up the stairs.

He turned and opened the door wider, letting Freddie step in before closing the door behind him.

"How have you been Freddie?" Spencer asked, going back into the kitchen where he had been working on some new concoction.

"I've been pretty good," Freddie said, standing in the middle of the living room, "Mom has been insane lately."

"Hey Freddie," Carly said as she came down the stairs. He looked up at her and was shocked by what stood before him. Lately, at school she has been wearing her make-up much thicker than usual. It was much more than she usually wore with every inch of her exposed skin coated in cover-up. Her eyes were usually cloaked in thick eyeliner and mascara. He had wondered lately why she wore such thick make-up and he could now see why. As he stared up at the usually porcelain perfect girl, he could see every single flaw as if they were screaming at him. Her eyes were weary with heavy bags under them that dragged her usually bright eyes down. Her normally rosy cheeks were pale and chalky. They looked as if they would flake away if you touched them. Even her hair seemed to be in lack of the usual luster she so badly worked for with constant showers and hair treatments. He watched as she walked down the last steps, noticing the way she carried herself. Her every step looked as if she was in pain, her skin too sensitive to be touching her clothes.

"Hey Carly," Freddie finally muttered after staring at her for a bit longer then he assumed was appropriate, "Can we, uh, talk privately?"

"Sure," Carly said, shrugging and turning, leading him back up the stairs. He followed her until they were in the room, her door closed behind them.

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They both sat back on her bed. Carly crossed her legs and grabbed a pillow, wrapping her arms around it. Her weary lips smiled at him as he sat down on her bed, "What's up?"

"Someone sent me a picture today," He mumbled, pulling his phone out and going into the pictures, "I think you should see it." Carly stared at him as he held the phone up to her face. Her heart dropped down to her stomach the moment her eyes focused on the picture before her.

"Who sent you this?" Carly yelped, snatching the phone.

"Alex Karp, that kid that use to ride our bus," Freddie said, crossing his arms over his chest. Carly stared at the phone in disbelief. How many people had he sent that picture too and what about the video? Had he shown anyone that one? She looked up at Freddie who was staring back at her, "Where did Jonah get the picture?"

"I-I don't know," Carly said, her voice catching in her throat.

"Don't lie to me," Freddie said, "You know that you are horrible at lying."

"I don't know how he got it," Carly said, shaking her head as her hands started to tremble.

"You took it, Carly," Freddie said, taking the phone back and setting in on the bed. He glared up at her, "How did he get that picture?"

"I don't know," Carly mumbled. She wrapped her arm around herself and started to rub her arm, pressing against her wrist.

"What are those?" Freddie said, snatching her arm and holding it out. Carly's eyes darted down to the rope burns on her wrists and bruises trailing her arms. Jonah had liked tying her up and had tried it out several more times. She yanked her arm back and pulled the sleeve down.

"Nothing, I hit my arm," Carly mumbled. She yelped as Freddie grabbed a hold of both of her arms and yanked the sleeves up to reveal the trails of bruises running up her forearms. He let her arms drop and pulled her shirt down in the front, exposing her bra and the many bruises around it.

"What the hell has been happening to you?" Freddie asked his voice softening, breaking every word apart with pure concern. A worried expression washed over his voice as he stared into her broken eyes.

"Nothing," Carly mumbled once more, pulling her shirt back up.

"Carly, please," Freddie whispered, "Who has been doing this to you?"

"I can't tell you," Carly mumbled, her eyes threatening tears. She couldn't tell him. He would want to do something about it, which just couldn't happen.

"Please," Freddie said, taking her hand and running his fingers along the bruises, "Alex told me that Jonah had the picture. Did he do this to you?"

"Freddie, please," Carly said, pulling her hand away from her, "Just leave it."

"Did he do this to you?" Freddie said, staring into her eyes. Carly felt a knot growing in the back of her throat as her eyes welled up. She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't lie. She collapsed in front of him and the sobs that had been welling up inside of her for so long escaped in heavy gasps. She felt Freddie's hands wrap around her and pull her into his arms. She pressed her face into his chest as the tears she had been keeping from everyone for so long poured into his shirt.

"He told me I had to," Carly sobbed as he pulled her closer, "He threatened Sam and I couldn't let her get hurt," She yanked away and looked up at Freddie, "You can't tell anyone."

"What all has he done to you?" Freddie asked, staring down at her.

"He-he," Her words caught in her throat as another sob welled up in the pit of her stomach, "He did horrible things to me," She shook her head aggressively and cried out, "I couldn't let him hurt Sam!"

"Now, calm down," Freddie shushed her, pulling her close, "He won't hurt her."

"It wasn't him that was going to hurt her," Carly mumbled between her tears.

"What do you mean?" Freddie asked.

"He told me that he would let his cousin rape her!" Carly yelped, "His cousin is in prison for raping a little girl and he told me that if I didn't do exactly what he said, he would tell his cousin all about Sam and where she lived. He was going to let him hurt her."

"We have to tell Sam," Freddie said.

"We can't," Carly whispered.

"Look what he did to you," Freddie said, pulling her arms out, "Look what he did to you. Did he force you to take that picture?"

"Yea," Carly mumbled.

"What all did he make you do, exactly," Freddie said.

"He made me give him oral," Carly mumbled, looking up at Freddie as he stared at her in disgust, "He tied me up and hurt me," Her voiced cracked as she fell into his arms again, enveloped in sobs, "He took my virginity, Freddie! I wanted my first time to be special. I wanted it to be the right guy and he stole it."

"He raped you?" Freddie gasped.

"Uh huh," Carly nodded, her tears trailing down her face, "He took advantage of my entire body. Look." Carly pulled her shirt off completely, not caring of how exposed she was. Freddie stared at her, mortified as his eyes trailed down the many dark bruises and marks leading down her chest and over her chest, down to her stomach, leading all the way to her hipbones and further, where he could not see past the edge of her pajama pants.

"Carly," Freddie whispered, shaking his head, "Why the hell didn't you tell anyone?"

"I didn't want Sam to get hurt," Carly said, pulling her shirt back on and wrapping her arms around herself, "If we tell anyone, she will get hurt."

"The police can protect her," Freddie said, taking her hand, "They can protect her and you."

"Please, Freddie," Carly cried, "We can't say anything! You have no idea what he can do!"

"No, I don't," Freddie said, "But if he can do this to you, imagine what he done to her." Carly froze as she stared at Freddie, his eyes piercing her own, "What makes you think he won't do this to her or to another girl?"

"I'm so scared," Carly whimpered, pressing her face against his chest again, "I am so scared, Freddie."

"I know you are," Freddie whispered, rubbing her back, "Everything will be okay."


	12. Chapter 12: Just For a Moment

I am so upset. I already wrote this chapter but just as I went to save it, I decided I wanted to change the title of the chapter. Just as I went to go click the cancel button on the "Would you like to save?" message, my hand decided it would be an asshole and clicked "No" and I lost the entire chapter. I was so frustrated, I started to cry.

But hey, I guess this gives me a chance to make it sound better even though I have to say that that was my favorite chapter I have written so far. Well, here I go.

Love Always,

Mizz Maddnezz

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Chapter 12

Just For a Moment

The sounds of soft 80's rock music played through the apartment. Carly sat in front of the television, set on a music channel, staring at the screen from where she was on the couch. Freddie had left a couple hours earlier after they decided not to tell anyone until they had a plan to be sure Sam and Carly were both safe. Spencer had left as well. He had told Carly he was going to meet up with a client about his latest project. Carly jumped suddenly at the sound of a key in the lock. It wasn't until she realized that it was way too early for Spencer to be home that her body suddenly felt a thousand pounds heavier. She looked over as the door slowly opened. She was surprised at the sight of a petite blond looking down at her.

"Sam," Carly said, staring at the girl in the doorway.

"Did you have sex with him?" Sam muttered from where she stood.

"What?" Carly gaped, "That is not what happened!"

"Just answer the question," Sam said, clenching the key in her hand, "Did you have sex with him?"

"Yes," Carly said, her voice shaking, "But let me explain!"

"No!" Sam growled. Carly jumped at the sudden anger in her voice, "You slept with my boyfriend!"

"That's not what happened!" Carly yelped.

"I don't want to hear what happened," Sam muttered. She jerked her arm back and threw the key into Carly's lap, "I don't want to hear from you ever again."

"Sam, you don't understand!" Carly said standing and stepping towards the door, "Please-"

"No!" Sam yelled, "Just, no. I do not want any of your damn excuses. You sent him those nasty pictures and then slept with him," Her voice was filled with utter disgust, "You knew damn well that we were together and you slept with him. I don't want to talk to you every again, do you hear me? Don't ever speak to me again."

Before another word could escape Carly's lips, Sam stormed away, slamming the door hard behind her. Carly stood, staring at the door as the room settled again. Her legs buckled under her as she fell to her knees on the floor as tears poured down her cheeks. She wasn't sure how long she sat there and cried. It was several minutes later that she stood and grabbed her jacket and darted out the door. She raced down the street and caught the next bus to the area of town where Sam's apartment was. She jumped off the bus a few blocks from Sam's apartment and ran down the cracked sidewalk. Before she knew it, she was jumping over steps to get to the fourth floor where the broken elevator couldn't take her. She darted into the apartment that was always left unlocked.

She stood in the open doorway, glancing around the cluttered, messy apartment. She was welcomed by the thick smell of old cigarette smoke and rotting laundry probably in a wet backset somewhere. Carly maneuvered through the familiar living room and went into Sam's room. She glanced around the disheveled room. It was empty. She let out a heavy sigh and turned around only to be face-to-face with Jonah, a wide smirk across his face.

"Well, well, well," He said, he usual dry laugh under every word, "Look what I have here! I came over to try to talk some sense into Sam and look who I find!"

"Get the fuck out of my way," Carly growled, shoving him out of the doorway and walking past him.

"Oh come on," He said, grabbing hold of her arm and yanking her back into the room, "Nobody's around. This is a perfect chance to have a little fun in a new place."

"I won't let you rape me again," Carly spat, yanking her arm away. Jonah grabbed a hold of the front of her shirt, pulling her face up to his own.

"You know what is so cool about rape?" Jonah asked. He yanked her off of her feet and threw her onto the floor, climbing on top of her, "I don't need your permission."

"Get the fuck off me!" Carly yelled, taking hold of his shoulders and shoving him away from her.

"Here we go again," He laughed before swinging his arm back and laying a heavy blow across her cheek. Carly yelped out and swatted her hands out and kicked her legs as hard as her small figure would allow. Jonah took hold of both sides of her blouse and ripped it open, spewing buttons across the room. He tore at her clothes as she thrashed and kicked under him. She grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked down. He let out a loud grunt and held his fists above his head and brought them down heavily onto her chest, forcing the air from her lungs. She let out a loud gasp as he brought his fists down over and over onto her ribcage. He took a handful of her hair and pulled it back, raising his other fist above his head and bringing it down, across her right cheek. He swung his fist back, this time leaving a blow across her jawbone. He continued, blow after blow, leaving trails of sore lumps across her face.

Carly cried and squirmed, her face and ribs pulsating with sharp pains. He raised his fist far above his head and brought the ball of his hand down onto the tip of her nose with a heavy thud. A horrible cracking sound pierced through Carly's skull as she felt her cartilage press into her cheekbones. Instantly, she felt a heavy gush of blood spew from her nose. He pulled his fist back over and over, spraying blood across the carpet beside them. Again, he raised both his fists above his head and brought them down on her chest, over and over. Carly felt her body convulsing as the blood from her nose started to pour down her throat, chocking her. She gurgled and cough, the blood filling her lungs as he continued to lay heavy blows across her face, busting both sides of her lips. Once more, he raised his hands above his heads and brought his fists down onto her chest. Carly gasped as she felt a sharp stab through her left side. Her breathing became labored a she choked on her own blood, now pouring heavily from her nose and mouth down her throat.

Carly's body went limp under his heavy blows. Just before her mind went black, she looked up through labored breaths as Jonah wrenched his own pants off. She closed her eyes and coughed up a mouthful of curdled blood. She opened her eyes just as she heard a heavy crack. Through swollen lids she watched as Jonah fell on top of her. Behind him stood a curly haired blond, clinging to a broken lamp in her hands.

"Carly!" Sam yelled, dropping the lamp to the floor and grabbing Jonah by the shoulders, yanking him from on top of her. Carly watched as she fell to her knees beside her and pulled her limp body into her lap, "Oh my god, Carly, I am so sorry!" Carly let out a loud grunt just as a lungful of thick blood poured from her lips, spraying onto her shirt, "I'll get help!"

Carly's eyes felt heavy as she watched her best friend set her back onto the floor and fumbled with her phone. With the last bit of willpower that Carly possessed, she slowly raised her trembling, blood splattered hand and set it on Sam's knee and held it there. Sam put the phone in the crook of her neck and took Carly's hands, cradling them in her own.

"It will be okay," Sam whispered, her eyes welling up with tears, "It will be okay, I promise."

Carly watched as Sam let her hand fall back to the floor as she spoke to the 9-1-1 operator. Carly let her head fall to the side and she closed her swollen eyes and she started to float. Just for a split second, Carly felt her entire body lift off the floor as she was carried far, far away. Once again, she floated off into the other world where everything was okay. Just for a moment, she was in paradise. And then everything went black.


	13. Chapter 13: Press Play

Chapter 13

Press Play

_Several hours earlier_

Sam stood against the wall at the McDonalds, clicking away at her phone, checking up on her Splash Face. She glanced around at the unfamiliar faces around her and a slight twinge hit her heart as she remembered the night, several months ago, last summer when her, Freddie, and Carly had come to this same McDonalds. It had been thundering all that day as the hot air from the Pacific Oceans washed over the west coast, up California and right to Seattle. The weather channel forecasted temperature drops which quickly led to sweltering thunderstorms. Despite Mrs. Bensons' warning of the oncoming storm, the trio still headed out into the city for another wondrous escapade that they shared that summer. Just an hour after they had set out from Carly's apartment, the clouds exploded with heavy summer Seattle downpour and the three teens found themselves running through the pouring rain towards the same McDonalds that Sam stood in today.

Sam could almost feel herself there again, her clothes heavy with rain, the three crazy with chilled laughter as they ran into the fast-food restaurant to escape the storm. Sam felt a tremble run up her spine as her eyes locked on the booth where they sat for the next hour, devouring fries and sipping tea until the storm subsided. She missed them so much. She loved Jonah, she really did. Never in her life had she found a boy that so truly accepted him for who she was aggressiveness, hunger, and all. He bought her flowers and took her out every week. They cuddled and joked, and tossed water balloons at unsuspecting people walking under the bridge in the park. Ever since the moment he first took her hand and pulled her close, she knew she was in love. Her mother continued on and on, bickering with her, telling her to grow up and get over the petty obsession with the boy but as usual, she just ignored her. That woman had destroyed so many of her relationships before and this time, she wouldn't let it happen.

Jonah wanted her to move in with him. He lived in a larger apartment with his mom, who loved Sam to pieces. Jonah and his mother had so much in common. They were both hard asses with the same sense of humor that she had. They loved her. They accepted her into their home and they cared about her. A stab of guilt pierced through her stomach. Never had Carly and Spencer thrown her away. In all the years that she has known them, they never once denied her for who she was but this was different. Jonah was different. The way he made her feel when they were together, holding each other in his living room, was incomparable. She gave herself to him, one quiet night when his mother was not home. There were always rumors spreading around the school about the little sexual escapades that Sam went on but none of them were true. She dated around and was seen at many parties with different guys but she never let anyone have that part of her, which was until that night with Jonah. After they had finished, Jonah wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, leaving trails of soft kisses down the back of her neck. To Sam, everything in the entire world was perfect.

"Hi, Welcome to McDonalds," A voice said, snapping her from her memories.

"Oh, hi," Sam said, stepping up to the register. She hadn't noticed the guy in front of her walk away, "Can I just get a tea and a medium fry?"

"Sure thing," The guy said, presses the screen in front of him. He looked up at her, his eyes shining. How was he so happy? Sam rummaged through her bag to find her wallet, "Will that be all?"

"Yep," Carly said, smiling and handing over a five dollar bill. The cash register clinked open and he got her the change from the five, handed her a cup and the receipt and smiled, greeting the next customer. Sam shoved the receipt and money into her pocket and carried her cup to the drink station, filling it with ice.

"Hey Sam," Someone said from behind her. She turned her head to see a girl she knew from school. A name didn't quite come to mind as she looked at her.

"Oh hey," Sam said, trying to avoid saying a name she couldn't remember, "What's up?"

"Oh nothing much," She said, smiling, "Me and the other Brittany were just here getting some sodas." Oh yea, Sam remembered her. She was one of the two Brittany's in their grade and one of the most stuck up bitches that Seattle had to offer. How the hell she was able to hang out with someone just as bitchy as she was and with the same name was beyond Sam. She just smiled and started to fill her cup up, as Brittany continued to talk, "Have you heard about Carly?"

"No," Sam said, turning and looking at Brittany, "What do you mean?"

"Well Keith, the senior I'm dating," She said, irritating Sam with her note of pride in the statement. She stared at the girl, her eye twitching slightly at her obnoxious tone as she spoke, "Well, one of his guy friends sent him a picture of Carly and her tits are totally out everywhere."

"What?" Sam said as her jaw dropped.

"Hey Brittany," The other blond that had been sitting close by, "What are you guys talking about?"

"Oh, I was telling Sam about the picture of Carly that Keith told me about," Brittany said.

"Oh yea," The other Brittany said, "I totally saw that picture. Alex Karp showed it to me. Did you tell her where they got it?"

"I haven't gotten to that part yet," Brittany said, turning and looked at Sam with a fake concern across her face, "Keith told me that Alex told him that Jonah sent it to him."

"Wait, did you say Jonah?" Sam asked, looking the girls back and forth as they tried to hide the humor slipping onto their faces, "Do you mean my Jonah?"

"That's what we heard," The first Brittany said, shrugging, "We have to head out but I thought I would just let you know."

"Yea," the other Brittany said, "Oh, and I also heard that they fucked. You better check that out."

Sam stood there, holding her cup as the two girls walked away, stifling their giggles until they were out the door. Sam's blood pulsated through her body as her body started to twitch, anger sweltering through her skin. She grabbed her top and straw and snatched her bag off of the counter with her fries in it and caught the next bus that would take her near Carly's apartment. She went there, begging in her head for it to all be a lie. Every part of her being and heart begged the ways of space and time around her for none of it to be true. It couldn't be true. Carly couldn't have done this to her. Jonah couldn't have done this to her. Could they have done it? Did they do it? Her mind raced with fiery thoughts as the bus slowed down at a stop near Carly apartment. Before Sam knew it, she was standing in Carly's doorway, face to face with the girl that just admitted to sleeping with her boyfriend. Her entire body twitched with anger as she slung her key to the girl. It was the key that Spencer had given her three years before, the first night that she ran from home, away from the abuse of her alcohol induced monster of a mother and knocked on their door, crying. Both Carly and Spencer promised that their door would always be open to her. They promised they would always be there for her. She threw the key into the dark haired girls lap and turned, leaving the apartment, her entire body shaking as hot tears poured down her face.

She didn't stop walking until she was several blocks away from Carly's apartment building. She sat down on a bench at a bus stop where she knew the next bus would be able to take her to Jonahs house. She pulled out her phone and texted him, her fingers trembling as she cried.

_It's over between us. I am coming over to get my stuff from your room. _

_I know that you and Carly slept together and it's over._

She glanced up just as a woman with a child walked to the stop and looked at her, with concern.

"Are you alright?" The woman asked, noticing Sam's tears.

"I'm fine," Sam mumbled, her voice cracking with the tears building up even more in her chest. She turned away from the woman and glanced up to see the approaching bus. She stood, getting onto the bus, taking one of the back seats where she sat, alone, letting the tears fall onto her lap as she stared out the window at the people the bus passed. When she got off the bus, her crying had subsided but it was replaced with a wrenching in her chest as if a heavy child was clinging to her back, pulling on her shoulders. She walked up the steps of his house as she wrestled the key from the bottom of her bag. His mother wouldn't be home and she was pretty sure Jonah was off doing something. He hated being home alone so he always found something to do. She closed the door behind her and headed down the hall, directly to Jonahs room.

She opened the door and stared down at the mess in front of her. She pulled her backpack open and started to sort through the clothes on the floor, finding her own amongst them. She had been staying there a lot. It was actually really rare for her to even stay at her own house anymore. She felt her lips puckering as she realized that that would change. She wouldn't be staying here anymore. She wouldn't be staying at Carly's either. As she stuffed her clothes and other belongings into the backpack, she felt her eyes start to burn again. Her movements became slower as she felt her throat start to jump, her tears triggering a spasm in the bottom of her chest. She swiped the tears that fell from her eyes quickly and coughed the tears back, continuing on her search. She reached out to grab her deodorant on the dresser and it fell, smacking her in the face. She let out a loud growl as she clenched her fists, the deodorant rolling under the bed. She got onto her hands and knees and reached under the bed. She felt around for the deodorant only to feel the smooth edges of a box. She reached under the bed with both of her hands and took hold of the box, pulling it out.

It was a shoe box she had never seen before. Jonah was not a sentimental person. He never kept anything especially in a box under his bed. She slipped the top off and looked down to see a stack of DVD cases, all marked with a white date and time stamp. She cracked the case with the oldest stamp open and stared down at the black DVD. She turned around and crawled across the room, the box in her hands and crossed her legs in front of the television sitting on its stand. She put the disc in the Xbox console and switched the TV on, staring at the screen. After the loading screen, a black screen popped up with a big play button. She grabbed the controller from the bed and pressed play, staring at the screen.


	14. Chapter 14: When She Knew

Chapter 14

When she Knew

At first, she couldn't see anything. The camera was bouncing about a room that seemed oddly familiar. The lens finally settled onto Jonah's face, filling the whole screen as he positioned the camera. He smirked and stood back.

"Action," He whispered before stepping back, revealing the rest of the room. Sam's heart fell into her stomach as she stared at the familiar room and the even more familiar girl tied up on the bed.

"Oh my god," Sam whispered, her heads raising to cover her mouth as she watched the girl kicking and screaming through the gag shoved in her mouth. Every part of her body wanted to turn away from the screen but her eyes were locked on the scene. She watched as he beat her, laying blow after blow across her face before climbing on top of her and forcing himself down her throat, her legs twisting and turning under him, trying to force him off. Sam turned and grabbed the box, yanking it into her lap. She took the disc out and out and slipped another in. A scene appeared in front of her. She knew instantly that it was the studio of iCarly.

"I set up the camera early," Jonah whispered into the camera before stepping back and waiting, out of view of the camera that was positioned to see the entirety of the room. Sam felt her stomach twist in knots as she watched Carly walk into the room, texting on her Pear Phone. Her breath quickened as she watched Jonah step out from behind her in the room and grabbed her from behind, slamming her face down into the ground. She felt her hands trembling as she searched in the box, putting disc after disc into the console and watching the first few moments of each, always starring Jonah and Carly. Every single one of them was another scene with the same story. Carly cried and screamed, thrashing her limbs and Jonah stood over her in some, kneeled beside her in others. He tied her up in some of them; sometimes he would force her to the ground with his bare hands. In every single one, she could hear his twisted laughter as he abused the girl.

"I can't believe this," Sam whispered, looking into the box again and seeing s stack of photos under the last DVD. They were Polaroid's of the same scenes the video had. The first photo was a picture of Carly, her face swollen and blood trickling from her lip, her arms tied up above her head. Sam grabbed the DVD's and shoved them into the box. She shoved the box into her bag and ran out of the house, waving down a cab. She didn't give two shits as she rode to her own apartment, handing over her next two weeks worth of lunch money and ran up the apartment building steps. As she approached her door, she heard a loud thud from inside the apartment. Her heart dropped to her stomach as she pushed the door open and walked into her apartment only to have her heart shoot out of her chest in horror. She watched as Jonah lifted his bloodied fists above his head and laid a blow across the chest of the girl under him. She ran to the doorway, grabbing the lamp from the coffee table, ripping the cord from the base. She stepped up and lifted it over her head. Before she knew what she was doing, she brought the lamp down onto the top of the boys head with a loud crack. It shattered in her hand as Jonah fell in front of her.

"Carly!" Sam yelped, letting the vase fall from her hands. The next moments were a blur as she grabbed the boy and threw him off of her best friend and pulled her onto her lap and into her arms. She stared down as blood poured down from the girl's mouth, "Oh my god, Carly! I'm so sorry!"

Sam stared down at the girl, as she trembled in her arms. Both of her eyes were practically swollen shut as she gazed up at her. Dark trenches lined both of her eyes as they fluttered on top of swollen, bruised cheeks. Splattered traced the entire left side of her face. Dark red fist marks lined her entire face. Sam's eyes trailed down Carly's entire her eyes settling on the long, black bruises that trailed her entirety of her ribcage. Sam felt her heart racing as Carly's head went limp in her arms and she convulsed, spewing a hot ball of blood all over her front. Carly's entire body went completely limp in Sam's arms. Terror pulsated through Sam's veins as she realized how serious this was.

"I'll get help!" She yelped, setting the girl onto the floor and grabbed her phone. Her hands shook as she frantically dialed 9-1-1. She looked around the room frantically and looked down at the boy passed out on the floor, a trickle of blood falling down his forehead. Sam felt something cold touching her leg. Fear shot up her leg as her eyes fell back down to the girl on the floor beside her, her hand resting on her knee. She slipped the phone between her ear and shoulder and took the girls cold hand into her own and stared down at her, her voice cracking as tears fell from her face.

"It will be okay," she whispered, with a horrible feeling of relief deep in her chest that her friend was moving, "It will be okay, I promise." She let Carly hands fall to the carpet as soon as she heard the 9-1-1 operator's voice.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?" The voice said from the other side of the phone.

"My best friend," Sam yelped into the phone, her body suddenly exploding in sobs, "She's on the floor, she keeps coughing up blood! M-my boyfriend was beating her when I came in," Sam looked down as Carly head fell to the side, her eyes closing, "Oh my god, I don't know what to do!"

"You have to stay calm, ma'am. Where are you located?" The operator said. Sam shook as she named off her street and apartment number. She listened as the operator spoke, "We have paramedics and police on the way. Where if your boyfriend now, ma'am?"

"I hit him with a lamp," Sam cried, "I didn't know what to do! He just kept beating her! I didn't hit him too hard but he's passed out. I didn't mean to hit him so hard!"

"You need to calm down, ma'am," The operator said, "The paramedics and police will be there shortly. Is your door unlocked?"

"Yea, it is," Sam whimpered, staring down at her bloody friend in front of her.

"Alright ma'am, I am going to need you to stay calm and collected," The operator said, "Is your friend responding at all?"

"Carly," Sam yelled, taking a hold of Carly shoulder and shaking her. Carly's head bobbed, lifeless, "Oh god, she isn't responding at all!"

Sam sat there in the floor with her friend as the operator continued on speaking but she couldn't hear her anymore. She stared down at her friend as tears fell down her cheeks. She kept running her hand through her hair, cooing sweet words about how everything would be okay, though she wasn't quite sure if it was the entire true. The police showed up first and tried to pull Sam away from Carly but she fought back, her cries and sobs getting the best of her. The paramedics showed up a few minutes later and crouched around Carly, leaving Sam to be held back by the police for questions. Jonah came to with a sudden jolt as the paramedics started to place bandages over his wound. Sam pulled the box of DVDs and pictures from her bag and handed them over to the detective. Jonah looked up as he saw the box being passed over to the detective and opened.

"You little bitch," He muttered, standing, his fists clenched, "After all that I did for you!"

"Calm your ass down, kid," One of the officers said, grabbing the boy and pulling him back.

"Get your hands off me!" Jonah screeched, yanking his arms away. Two of the offices grabbed a hold of his arms and spun him around, shoving him into the wall. He was cuffed and dragged away, without another word spoken. The detective asked question after question and called Spencer. He tried to contact Sam's mom but as usual for the weekend, she was nowhere to be found. Sam followed the paramedics as they set Carly on the white stretcher and carried her down the stairs and out of the apartment. She climbed into the back of the ambulance with Carly and cried as the paramedics worked over Carly, trying to get her breathing back.

As they got to the hospital, one of the paramedics pointed Sam to the waiting room. With tears falling from her eyes, she walked over and stood, crying into her hands. She glanced up from where she was standing just as saw Spencer run in. Her heart fell to the bottom of her stomach.

"Sam!" He yelled, running up to her, "What is going on?"

"I'm so sorry!" Sam cried bowing her head as the sobs escaped her lips, "It was Jonah! It was Jonah all along!" Her voice cracked as she buried her face in her hands, "I didn't know it was happening!"

"What was happening?" Spencer yelled, grabbing her by her shoulders and looking down at her.

"Are you the girl's parent?" The detective asked, stepping up to them.

"No, I'm her brother. Our father is in the Navy," Spencer said, looking over at the cop. His hands dropped from Sam's shoulders, "What the hell is going on?"

"I think we need to have a seat," The detective said, leading them to an empty part of the waiting room. They all sat down, slowly, Sam crying silently as the detective spoke, "My name is Detective Barber. I just spoke to the paramedics and your sister is in critical condition. She has suffered several head injuries and the paramedics think that she may have punctured a lung."

"How the hell did this happen?" Spencer said, becoming infuriated.

"Mr. Shay," Detective Barber said, "Your sister has been abused for the last few months."

"She was abused?" Spencer asked, turning to Sam, "Was it that kid you're dating?"

"I didn't know it was happening until a little while ago," Sam whimpered, her head bowed.

"Yes," Detective Barber said, "Miss Puckett handed over a box of evidence she found in the boys room that contains several videos and pictures dated back to several months ago." Sam watched as the color drained from Spencer's face.

"Videos and pictures of what?" Spencer whispered.

"Mr. Shay, your sisters has been raped and beaten several times within the last couple of months," Detective Barber said, "the boy is currently in custody and being questioned but we are completely sure the box of DVDs and pictures is enough to hold him."

"Oh my god," Spencer whispered, standing covering his face.

"I swear to god, I didn't know," Sam said, looking up at him, "Earlier today, I heard from someone I know that she and Jonah had sex but I had no clue what was going on! I left him this afternoon and when I went to his house to get my things, I found the box. I didn't even know they were at my apartment until I got there! I did everything I could to stop him."

"Will she be okay?" Spencer yelled as he turned and stared at the detective, his eyes welling up with tears.

"They don't know," Detective Barber said, shaking his head, "They won't know until after the doctors are done looking at her. Right now, she is in critical condition. They will let you know as soon as they know."

"I can't believe this," Spencer cried, his voice breaking as he fell back into his chair and buried his face in his hands.

"I'm so sorry," Sam whispered.


	15. Chapter 15: Banana Mango Smoothie

Do you guys want to know the truth? I just got a new computer and the wireless internet will not work. We are trying to figure it out still so I am currently internet-free. With all the time I have on my hands without being on Tumblr, Facebook, or doing something else, I have been able to work on this story. Have you ever gotten so into a story that it was all you could think about? For the past several days I have been talking nonstop to my family about my fanfic and what I want to do with it. I am pretty sure they are getting sick of it. I am trying to get them to read it but they are all dicks. They all loved my last fanfic from 2009. Hidden, the iCarly one which was one of my personal favorites was a hit with my family. My entire family sat around the table as I read it to them. They kept getting pissed off when I wouldn't update. They don't seem to want to know anything about this one, though. I am almost done convincing one of my sisters to read it. Hopefully, they will. I love family critique. They are always so honest.

I just wrote an entire paragraph. I am so sorry. I am going to go ahead and let you guys read on. I hope you enjoy! This will only have a few more chapters but I already have plans for other fanfics to come.

Love Always,

Mizz Maddnezz

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Chapter 15

Banana Mango Smoothie

The room pulsed around her as she lay in the bed, strange faces bobbing around her. Why couldn't she breathe? Her mouth was full of something, what, she wasn't sure. Was that a tube? Why was there a tube shoved down her throat? Carly's swollen eyes darted around the blurred room. She tried to turn her head but something stopped her. Was that a neck brace? Why was she in a neck brace? Carly felt her heart racing as she tried to move, her body not responding. Where was she? Why couldn't she move? The many blurred figures around her started to bounce back and forth around her. She could see them touching her, their hands pressing certain parts of her body and holding different instruments to her skin. Why couldn't she feel them? They were obviously touching her but she felt nothing, as if she was not even there. She closed her eyes tightly; the white lights around her felt as if the sun was only a few feet away, glaring into her eyes. She felt her throat start to itch as her lungs jumped, the tube shoved down her esophagus wiggling.

Her entire body hurt. Every single inch of her skin ached down to her bones. She felt a sharp stab shoot up her arm as something dug into her skin. She felt her mind lifting off of the table, floating above the bed. She was set down a softer surface, the cloth cushioning her aching body. That was when she heard it. It was the subtle beeping off in the distant, as if it wasn't actually there. Where was it coming from? She felt her body become heavy, the tips of her fingers cold from the sterile air around her. So many questions ran through Carly's mind as she heard the beeping quicken and the shapes around her becoming frantic as the beeping got louder and louder, piercing her eardrums. Where was she? Who were these people? What was that god forsaken beeping that echoed in her head? Why were these people yelling? Why did one of them just rip her gown open? Carly watched as every blurred shape stepped away from her, only one leaning closer, pressing something cold to her chest. A blistering jolt ran through her body as a vault shot through her body. The beeping stopped instantly as the room went black.

"_What do you think, Carly?" Sam said, nudging her best friend, "I think this skit could really work."_

"_You think anything with food would work," Carly said, crossing the idea from her notebook. There would not be another skit involving meatballs again on the show for a long time. The last incident resulted in holding Gibby's fake braids out of his face as he vomited over the balcony. That was not going to happen again. Carly stared at her friend as she pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. Her blood curls bobbed in front of her as she sat up and pointed down to the notebook._

"_What about the iceman skit?" Sam said._

"_I am completely sure Freddie would not appreciate the fire extinguisher," Carly said, shaking her head. _

"_Wait, what?" Freddie yelped, looking up from his laptop where he had been tapping away, uploading the newest episode of iCarly._

"_Nothing, nerd ball," Sam said._

"_Sometimes, I wonder if you hate me," Freddie said, glaring over at the blonde girl._

"_Why do you wonder?" Sam asked, laughing, "You know I hate you."_

"_And I hate you too," Freddie said, smiling._

"_I am glad we are at an agreement," Carly said, cutting into their banter. She loved it when they fought like this. It truly showed their emotions they had for each other. They shared a hatred of loving one another. She sat back in her beanbag chair as the two continued their argument as a smile spread across her face. She looked at these two kids, bickering amongst themselves and everything seemed okay. Not just okay, everything was perfect. She loved them._

"She's back!" Somebody yelped into her ear as another heavy jolt shot through her chest. Her eyes shot open as the room around her became crystal clear. The doctors and nurses raced around her, pumping air into her lungs and pressing bandages against her wounds. She felt another stab in her arm as her eyes darted down to where a doctor was pressing a needle into the crook of her elbow. She watched as he attached the needle to a bag, hanging above his head. She felt her body weighing down on the bed as her eyes became heavy. She wasn't sure when she slipped away, but she did. She slipped and slipped until she fell into a slumber filled with sweet dreams that tasted of banana mango smoothie.


	16. Chapter 16: Okay

Chapter 16

Okay.

There is a place, far from here, where true happiness is found. It is a world where no one longs for anything more then what they already have. There is no gluttony, causing our minds to hunger and devour the many delicacies of the world. There is no greed, forcing us to fill our pockets with material goods that only end up weighing down our souls even more. There is no sloth, dragging us through the bitter laziness that plaques so many. There is no wrath burning in the back of our souls, lashing out at those we presume that we love. In this place, we feel no envy towards those who we assume are better off then ourselves and never do we feel a pride that causes us to hold ourselves superior to those that we pretend to think are not as good as we are. Most of all, there is no lust consuming our souls, turning us into creatures that we humans have so long been mortified by.

This is a world where we are not forced to find something else to make us feel the happiness that is already in ourselves. We no longer crave the acceptance of others or hunger for the love of another human being. We will not crave the material goods like clothes or money to hold us up. We will not have to inject our bodies with hot smoke or pull dissipated pills into our lungs to feel an instant relief from the terror around us. It is a place where your body doesn't hurt anymore and your heart can finally settle after those many, many years you have spent ripping your mind apart, trying to find happiness.

One day, you will close your eyes and in the darkness that will surround you, this place will appear to you. Maybe it is a world where you no longer have to worry if the bills are paid or if your loved one will ever return to you. There is no heart break or let-downs, tearing apart your soul, piece by piece. Your body will settle into the world around you and you will slip away to this place and forget you were ever hurt. In this place, there is a dark haired girl, a blond rebel, and a nerdy boy sitting at a table, talking and joking about some internet show they would put on someday. It is a moment in their lives that will fade from memory and eventually disappear but for now, it is a beautiful place where they didn't have to work for the smiles plastered across their faces and they didn't have to sell their souls for a little bit of laughter they shared together.

That is where Carly is now. As she slipped away late at night, her brothers head against her chest as he cried, her father on his way home, she went to this place. Her best friends stood beside her as she fell deeper and deeper into the sleep she would never again wake from. She is in a place where she will never have to hurt again and her body never weakens from abuse. She has her big brother there, holding her hand and her two best friends' right by her side, making sure everything will be okay. She slipped away to a place where she finally has the sweet comfort that everything will be okay.


End file.
